a messy house equals corndogs for dinner.

...

2010-04-05T19:25:00.000-06:00

i feel [insert word here].

that sums it up.

I had one hour to prepare a fun, amazing activity for primary and this is what I came up with.

2010-03-20T20:46:00.000-06:00

This is my it-took-one-hour-to-make Easter basket chock full of egg-y goodness. I was trying to figure out a fun way for the chillun's to come up and pick a song. Then we'd sing it, peace on Earth would reign, and there would be sunshine all around.

Well, I couldn't think because it was pretty late and I was subbing for the primary chorister, so I sat down at my sewing machine and started sewing circles that weren't circles but more like ... EGGS! Genius, I'm telling you.

So, I wasn't quite sure what I was doing, but I put some batting between two pieces of scrap fabric and sewed an egg-like circle. Then I trimmed the edges, leaving the raw edge (it looked fine to me, I'm pretty sure a bunch of Primary kids won't care). So then I thought, hmm, these look ultra-dull, maybe I'll sew some ribbon on them to make them look more Easter-y.

So I did. If I had more time, I would've matched the ribbon with the thread and made them neater. But oh the darn well.

I can't figure out how to turn these sideways; I'm not computer dumb, but these pictures won't turn for the life of me. Anyway, so I made a bunch of eggs and put songs on the back of them, so when they came up and picked an egg, we would sing that song. It worked well!

So, they're all different colors and shapes, but they turned out cute enough when you put them in a basket which I now have on my counter in back of my "spring" $1 D.I. sign.

I like them, anyway!

Home Improvement makes me chuckle.

2010-03-11T16:29:00.000-07:00

So today, I was at the gym. It's a regular occurrence these days, I'm proud to say. I can almost not cry in pain when Hyrum breaks my arm in arm wrestling.

Anyway, as I stated, I was at the gym on the elliptical best friend of mine. They really pick crappy television channels, though and the best elliptical (the one directly under a fan for people who sweat through their clothes, like me) is right in front of the station that plays Home Improvement reruns.

Now, first of all, there really are no good television shows that broadcast at 9:00a. But anyway, I was on my elliptical, elliptical-ing, the gym is packed, and I'm watching the television because my magazine holds no interest, my songs aren't helping my visual impairment (in other words, staring at people), and today was just a boring workout.

And then it happens. It was a rather funny moment and I laughed. OUT LOUD. Remember that when you have headphones on, you can't always hear what you're doing? Or at least I can't because I'm deeeeaaaaf. Anyway, so I laugh. It's not a cackle, but a hearty chuckle. I promise you, EVERYONE in that gym was watching me.

"OH MY GOSH, who is that girl who sweats too much with the frizzy hair and the gross workout clothes and the shoes that have to be sprayandwashed that just LAUGHED at Home Improvement?"

I swear on my elliptical.

And then, to make matters worse, it ALMOST happens again. I don't know why I thought it was so funny, but I nearly did the darned thing a second time.

Here's the funny thing - I don't laugh out loud unless I find the whatever'sbeinglaughedat EXTREMELY funny (granted, you don't see the inside of my mind like I do, so there are a looooot of things that I do that don't make sense to normal people).

I think I have to go switch ellipticals now.

the crazy who laughs too much at dumb sitcoms.

ohmyword.

2010-03-10T21:30:00.002-07:00

Freaking kid climbed up onto a toy shopping cart today and then proceeded to throw books off of her bookshelf, because now, DUH MOMMY, she can reach them.

~~I'll post the picture when I feel like it.~~

I mean, really....

mother of the other crazy

I bought a new keyboard for our computer because the other one was a piece of crap and wouldn't type the letters b, m, or y without you having to smash it down with the force of a logger.

2010-03-09T16:32:00.000-07:00

So, let's talk.

Now that I'm so happy that I can type at my normal speed without writing sentences that look roughly like a fifth grader's writing on speed, I am much happier to update my blog.

It's been a whole heap of boring though, I will tell you, sistah-friend.

First off, I cleaned my freaking house. It's sparklingly delicious, full of wafting scents like pine-sol and orange Mr. Clean. Mr. Clean is probably my celebrity crush. Not because of the baldness, but because of the clean. Seriously. Magic erasers? BEST. INVENTION. EVER. Besides Cafe Rio, that is.

Secondly, I made the most divine-licious shortbread lemon bars today that totally defeat the purpose of going to the gym because you know you're going to eat what you worked off. But today, I spent an extra twenty minutes on the elliptical because I knew I was going to make these. The best part (the gem) is that the shortbread has orange and lemon peel in it. It's delightfully delightful.

Next, let's see. What other pieces of nonsense-ness can I sift into your mind?

Oh, we bought the game BananaGrams yesterday. What a joy. I'm being serious! I LOVE IT! If you like Scrabble and Boggle, you will LOVE BananaGrams. It's awesomely nerdy. I spell out great words like "vaporize" and "bohemian". I'm telling ya, I'm not so stupid anymore and on my death bed or in my Oscar speech, I will thank Bananagrams and fiber because Bananagrams fills my brain and fiber fills my belly. What other things do you need?!

Thechildwhobites has more teeth. Her molars or canines or big fat teeth in the back are coming in. She is not so happy. Don't get close to her mouth, though, she will bite your face off. So the other day at church, I leaned over to try to get her to be reverent (lost cause) and I smelled something FUNK-AY. I mean, seriously, I was like, what is that? Yeah. It was her breath. NASTY. We brush her teeth every morning and night (we're good parents), but we must have missed that morning (bad Mom, theonewhoworks had National Guard Drill that day, not his fault). It was like smelling death.

I curled aforementionedchild's hair today to see if it will hold curl at all and it was ridiculously cute. I mean like vomitinyourmouth cute. But then we went outside and it's SNOWING. Ridiculous, flaky snow full of getting-rid-of-curl magic. Stupid snow.

Well, on that positive note, I'm going to head upstairs and get some more freaking fantastic lemoniciousness.

Hope you are well and not thinking about lemon heaven because I'm not sharing.

crazy extraordinaire

Honest honesty.

2010-03-07T21:14:00.000-07:00

There's a difference, you know. Because fake honesty where you tell enough of the truth that it paints a better picture of you. This is one of those honest honesty moments where I am going to tell you what I did (or didn't do) this weekend.

Sit down for this. Because you will have never seen so much lazy in your life.

So, I'd say my weekend really began, oh, Friday morning. I woke up and "chose" not to go to the gym because my workout clothes were dirty. It was 7:00 in the morning. It would've taken me a grand total of 1 1/2 hour to wash my clothes. I could have literally been there by 9:00a. Well, you know me, and if you don't, you will, I purposely waited until, oh, 9:30 to put my clothes in the washer. And then, yawn, about 11:00a, I switched them to the dryer. Oh, darn it, it's noon already! First of all, the daycare at the gym closes at noon until 4:30p, so if no one can watch Lily, well, then, there's NO way I can go do something as meaningless as take care of my body so I don't die an early death. And also, I have a strict no exercise after noon policy. Why? Because I'm L-A-Z-Y. If I don't do it in the morning, I won't do it at all.

Yeah, I felt bad. I kept looking at the clock saying, you know, I could go now. I could make it if I tried. But obviously, judging by this post, I didn't go.

You'd think that because I felt bad, I'd try harder to get stuff accomplished during the day.

Six episodes of Gilmore Girls later...

Four loaves of bread later (mind you, it's a lot easier to bake stuff when you have a house to clean)...

Two days without showering later...

You get the drift, right?

Saturday was just as bad. No gym, baked banana bread (my house is so gross), and I sat and watched the What Not to Wear marathon (sure did, Nikki) all day, which is what inspired my last post.

It doesn't help when I have an overly exuberant thirteen-month-old that destroys everything. I caught her eating grapes out of the refrigerator drawer when I turned my back for approximately four seconds.

There are yogurt-y hand prints all over the glass doors and ripped book covers that keep getting put higher and higher on a shelf.

I found her eating rocks outside the other day. Just trying to see how many would fit.

She plays clean-up real well. And then she takes everything out and sees how far she can throw it.

She's a little fireball full of destruction.

So I will blame the mess on her and the yummy banana bread on me.

I need to be on What Not to Wear.

2010-03-06T20:05:00.001-07:00

Seriously.

Since stubbornminiKiera was born, I have NO fashion sense at all. And not only that, I don't even know what is in-style. Freaking fashionistas in my ward are all cute and ... fashion-y and I'm all, oh yeah, don't mind me, I'm still wearing the same black skirt that I've been wearing for the last billion years.

Sorry for intruding on your catwalk parade.

Stupid cute people.

I have nice clothes and when I was working, I wore them more, but now it's hard for me to wear more than ~~sweatpants~~ jeans and a tee-shirt.

Maybe I'll go stand outside a fancy pantsy shop and stare at people. Because that's not creepy.

the #1 unfashionable crazy

Pillowcase Purses. Or bags. Or, you know, whatever.

2010-03-05T20:35:00.117-07:00

Okay, my very first tutorial. This is bound to be eventful. Especially because I'm such a novice at sewing, so a lot of this is going to be, "Okay, then you take the thing and cut off the other stuff with it." Make sense? :) So, background on this bag, I got the idea out of a Martha Stewart magazine (who knew?). I made a few for my sisters for Christmas. First thing I've ever sewn. Sorry, ladies, I look back and I should've, you know, practiced first. This bag is relatively easy and it's handy if you just need a simple bag to take to the beach or the gym or to put a kid's ~~crap~~ toys in. You can even take it to church as a "Ican'tcarryeverythinginIneedformylesson" bag. I need, like, four of those.

That was the bag. Did you miss it? The picture was kind of small (NOT). To begin, you need a pillowcase. I have some thoughts on this subject. You can use an old one, but I think it's kind of gross to take an old one out with all your stuff in it for the world to see. When I made them for my sisters, I bought some cute ones (right, girls?) at Wal-mart (bleh). Two to a package. They were heavier duty and I liked those better. Now, listen to me, if you don't want to use a pillowcase, don't. I don't care. The one above me was not a pillowcase. It was made out of heavier canvas that I got on clearance at Joann's. I love the pattern. Polka dots go with everything. Anyway, I digress. Um, where was I? Okay, yeah, so that was not a pillow case, but I cut the length and the width to match the size of the pillowcase (I cut it 1" longer on both sides though (w & h), because I'm tall and have fat arms).
So, again, you need a pillowcase that you like or fabric sewn together along the length side to form a ... ring of fabric. Yeah, you'll get it in a minute. You also need an iron, ironing board (unless you desire to iron on your hand), sewing machine, thread to match the pillowcase (unlike the picture below), pins, and shears or a rotary cutter. I LOVE MY ROTARY CUTTER. I got it for 50% off at Joann's. Oh my gosh, will all of these randomocities, this is going to take FO-EV.
First, I'd iron your pillowcase. I'm just kind of neurotic about that. I just don't like working with stuff that's been folded. I guess that's pretty standard sewing protocol too. Yeah, okay, so you take your pillowcase and you cut off the bottom of it (the part that's sewn together) about a 1/4". So, you have a "ring" or a "circle" of fabric. Looks like a white trash skirt.
So then you cut it diagonally all the way across lengthwise, as shown below. From corner to corner. A nice straight line. I used some long clear plastic quilting thing that my mother-in-law has (sorry, Wendy), and used my Rotary Cutter (hereafter named R.C.) to cut a lovely line right across the diagonal plane of the fabric. That last sentence actually made me sound like I know what I'm doing, holler!
It should look like the picture below, just in case you couldn't tell from the picture above.
So you have two pieces that should match, essentially. Now you get to do handy work with your iron. Open each of the pieces so the form a triangle. The point should be facing up and the crease should be in the middle (if you ironed it like I told you to). The two sides of the triangle touching the point need to be ironed over to create a nice whatever you call it (seam allowance?). First, iron over 1/4" as shown.
Once one side is ironed 1/4", fold it over again 1/4" so you have a double fold. Iron and pin in place. Do the same to the other side of the same triangle and to the other piece like unto it.
It should look like this when it is done being ironed and folded. You're abusing it, really.

This is something I had to work out myself because it was kind of funky. You'll see when you iron and fold up to the point, that where it meets, you'll have to make it neat. I can't really explain it, but look at the picture close up and I think you'll see what I mean.

Okay, after you pin the sides like I told you to, sew along the fold at a 1/4" seam allowance. It should match up pretty well if you folded it correctly. If you didn't, then find another hobby. Haha, just kidding. Just use your trusty seamripper (mine's name is Jack - like Jack the Ripper?) and try again. I forgot to take a picture of it, but if you've ever sewn in your life, you should know what it is.

Then you can either cut the excess off of the point and use a fraystopperstuff or you can tuck it under and hand stitch a few stitches so it doesn't look GHETTO. Okay, so now you have two successfully folded, ironed, and sewn triangles. Congratulations. Now, here's the fun part and by fun, I mean the one I always mess up on. Take your two triangles and lay one open and place the other one inside it like so. Both sides of the triangle on the left are on top of the triangle on the right. I hope that makes sense. You're just placing it inside the other triangle. That would've made more sense, huh. I'm a winner.

Now you close it.

So it looks like this. Only not sideways. After you are done sewing this together, this is what it should look like.

So, pin the outside to the inside where it's laying on it (what? I know, I don't make sense). You can sew one of two ways: you can pin all of the sides together and sew it and try and maneuver it on our sewing machine, but I failed at that because I kept sewing other parts of the purse that got stuck. OR you could sew each line one at a time. Pin this line, sew this line. You will complete four lines. Whether you start at the bottom and sew upwards diagonally or start at the top and sew downwards, make sure you use the reverse-y thingy so your stitches won't come out. Line up the stitches with the stitches that are already there.

Once you've sewn your two lines on one side, this is what it should look like. The left-hand dark line is sewn to the outer fabric and as you can tell by the stitches, the outer fabric is sewn on to the inner fabric. Repeat this with the other side.

So now it's together and you hate for explaining this so poorly, you will have what we saw earlier, only sewn together. But you still have your opened bottom. We want to sew that or else what use is it? You'll just look stupid. I would press it at this point (I press everything) and make sure all the lines line up and stuff. Turn it inside out.

You're going to sew a straight stitch across the bottom. Make sure you backtrack or whatever with your revers-y. I cut it with a 3/4" seam allowance but I think some of it's a 1" because I lost control when theambitiousbabysewer started pushing on my foot pedal.

If you're using fabric that frays, I would do a zigzag stitch close to the straight stitch. Just be responsible, you know? For the life of your bag.

Turn it inside out and press it again if you want. (NEUROTIC) This is what it should look like!

Tie the tops together.

I made a little flower thing out of a hair clip that you can just clip to the purse if you want an accoutrement. You can take it off when you wash. Easy peasy.

So, again, if you missed the GIANT picture of the bag, that is what it is supposed to look like. Now I'm going to go rethink whether or not I will ever do a tutorial again. Hope you enjoyed the nonsense of this business. I think I should get a sewing dictionary and look up words I make up. Let me know if you make this bag and how it looks!

the #1 crazy at your service

I've been trying to think of an alliteration for my day because those are more fun to read.

2010-03-04T20:01:00.003-07:00

But I can't.

All I can think of is "Shots, stones, and a slippery spill..." HOLY CRAP, I DID IT! I just made that up when I was writing it and it describes my day superbly! How wonderful that I am the most wonderful. That will be the new title.

I do wish that this title dealt with stuff that didn't have to do with pain. All of it does; how tragic.

Well, to make this short so I can go back to useless stuff:

1. The crazychildwhoi'minlovewith got four shots (did you notice the boldness?) today and I'm pretty sure that the hospital thought the freaking fire alarm was going off. Poor girl, really. There's nothing worse than seeing your baby in pain (bad grammar and incorrect punctuation run a close second, though). Then we gave her a grape and she was okay. She wanted a green grape, not a red grape, though. Little weirdo. She's a tall chica though, measuring a whopping 31 inches. Her weight is only 22 lbs., 8 oz. for those who care. I think it's because she's uber active and we don't feed her.

2. My father-in-law got into one too many tousles down in the land de Costa Rica, I guess (just kidding, Juan) and is unfortunately suffering from excruciatingly painful kidney stones. (I'm only bolding them so that you know that I'm not going off track. I do everything for the sake of other people.) He spent a grand total of eleven billion hours in some quack hospital where they did all but kick him in the kidney. Are kidney stones in the kidney? Dumb question, but I'm telling you, babies make you STUPID. Anyway, he's still in pain and they're looking into either fixing him down there or here but either way, we're praying for you and I hope this passes over quickly. And pass quickly. Get it? Get it?

3. Lastly, if it wasn't enough to have four giant needles full of mightbefake medicine jammed into your squishy thighs, this evening, fastactiveblurofachild was running and slipped in a giant puddle of water that the blinddeafdumblady didn't see. Seriously, with all the bruises on her, I'm surprised CPS hasn't been called on me. Well, maybe they have. I don't answer my door. I keep all my blinds closed too and sit on my couch rocking back and forth looking for a little black boy named Jeremiah. That's not true, but it does create a vivid image of crazy, doesn't it? And tomorrow, when you all block my blog, I will miss you.

So, that was my day. From sun up to sun down. And when I say sun up, I'm lying because Lily slept in so that means I CAN TOO. It's in the parental rule book. That I wrote.

Speaking of American Idol (which I wasn't, but my segway wasn't coming to me fast enough), I would like to stop watching this season. If you have been voting for Tim Urban, you can have my sister's zebra striped hearing aids because you ain't listenin', darling. If he stays on one more week, I will throw a can opener at the television. Not really or bigmusclyman might have some words and I might have to sit in time-out, but I will be sad because although this is a rough season as it is, contestants should not stay on because they have cute hair. On that note, whateverhernameis Epperley's hair drives me crazy. You could build a nest in it and she wouldn't notice.

Oh my, I am mean.

Well, I am setting a new goal. TWO IN TWO DAYS? Look out your window, the apocalypse is coming. Please, gullible people, please don't. You'll just look like a window-licker.

Okay, my second goal is to post craftivities (combination of craft, activities, and I think creative is in there somewhere) and reci-FOOD-pes (couldn't do something clever - foocipes? recipood? HAHAHA!). Mostly because I made this delectable sun-dried tomato cream sauce tonight that I would like to share and I would like to show Jamie (and other people if you're bored senseless) how to make a pillowcase purse. It's easy and fun. Maybe not fun. Whatever.

So, again, keep me to it and pester me enough that I'll either do it or I'll quit my blog.

See ya.

#1 crazy

How unfortunate for you that all of my blog posts for the last eight months have not posted.

2010-03-03T23:09:00.003-07:00

It's a real shame. Tales of gallantry and dragon-slaying and procrastinating of the gym-going and stuff. It was Pulitzer prize stuff and you had to miss all of it.

So, I'm revamping my blog. I'm not sure if you caught the lying dripping through the pages of this failed attempt of a blog, but I have not written for EIGHT. WHOLE. MONTHS.

"What the deuce?" I hear you cry as you send hit men in my general direction (but since most of you don't know where I live, it doesn't scare me).

Well, the truth is that the truth is so boring, I'm not even going to tell you what I've been doing. How's that for anti-climactic? I know it. How depressing.

Well, we shall speak no more on that subject and shall venture on in hopes of posts written daily (or something like weekly, or every-eighth-monthly).

The basics:

The man, who shall heretowith be known as the mmwwaC (muscly man who works at Costco) or tmwtm (the man with the money), whichever has gotten out of the Army and has acquired a job at Costco, which is great because I.HEART.COSTCO. I love buying things in bulk.

We live in a desolate town in the middle of a beautiful nowhere, but no matter the beauty, the nowhere never changes. There was a mountain lion outside of house the other day. I locked the doors. Seriously, I'm an IDIOT. And then we saw a bobcat run across the road, probably meeting the mountain lion and the bears for a secret meeting on how to open locked doors.

Friends are sparse right now but as soon as they see our delightful demeanor and the fact that we're really, really obnoxious, they will line up at the door to tell us to our faces that we're not on their A-list. Maybe Q-list. I mean, we do have a cute child.

Speaking of sottmowspwow (she only takes the money out when she plays with our wallets), she is doing great. I think great is the right word for a destructive and loud child. Maybe? She's ultra smart. She must have gotten that from, um, her Baby Einstein movies because well, I'm a dee-duh-dee and Hyrum's chock full o' that smart learnin'.

I am doing spiffy. Just counting down the days until...no. I'm not counting down any days, actually. For once, Hyrum isn't deployed (suck on that US Army). Oh crap, I should probably erase that before they come and find me and deploy Hyrum.

So, my goals. WRITE ON MY BLOG. Good one, huh? Yeah. Keep me to it, too, please, all four of you, because I want to write more often, but I'm sometimes too busy watching Gilmore Girls reruns that I can't spare precious time for posting a more meaningless entry than this one.

Well, I'll be back soon. Sooner than eight months from now. Maybe.

the #1 crazy

Anybody got a ratchet wrench?

2009-06-26T20:03:00.003-06:00

So, today I realized that I need a new swimsuit top. I really need a new swimsuit in general, but mostly, I need a little something to strap them baby-feeders in there nice and tight. I know what you're thinking, "Oh, dagnubbit, here she goes again talking about stuff I really don't want to know about."

Sorry, chaps.

I could use duct tape (or any type of tape for that matter) to mash them up there real good. But then I'd go to all the trouble of doing it and wrapping tape around my torso, just to remove it when I'd have to feed Lily. And it always leaves those weird tape residue after and I don't feel like scratching them off of my stretch marks.

Anyway, the cute (usedtobesexy) swimsuit top I have is no longer going to work on my nowamomma frame. It's fine in all areas except for the chest where depending if I've fed the little Lil yet, it's either quite the buxom view, or Sag City.

So, I need to get a more modest, probably more ancient style swimsuit. Maybe I could get those old-school suits that go up to my neck. And I could get it in a shade darker so I'd look hot and tan and sexayyyy. Well, I don't know if I'd go that far, maybe just something a little less Baywatch, more Golden Girls.

Well, I hope you are all enjoying your summers without having to wear a shirt to cover your goods so you don't get charged with indecent exposure at the local pool. Although I love the crime life, it's tough trying to blame chest problems on a 5-month-old.

P.S. I know the picture above has no correlation to the topic, but I didn't think you wanted me to put a picture of my chest on there. Thank me now.

Chicken wire and trash bags.

2009-06-19T08:37:00.005-06:00

So, a couple of weeks ago, I was in contact with a delightful woman, Peg Davis, who was in charge of Girls' Camp this year. I was a little bummed (okay, more like a LOT) that I wasn't going to be able to go to camp this year because of a little something we call a baby. While being mother to that baby is supa cool, it was the only reason holding me back. It's like they have a sign there: NO BABIES ALLOWED BECAUSE THEY'RE CUTE AND STEAL ALL OF THE ATTENTION AND NOTHING GETS ACCOMPLISHED.

Anyway, Peg asked me to sing a song one of the nights about temples. I asked her how she planned to make a temple and she chit-chatted about something and how she was so busy and well, I, because my mouth talks nonsense without consulting my brain first, volunteered to make a temple for her. She wasn't sure if she was going to need it or not, but she called the next day asking if she could take me up on that offer. She needed it in a week. Again, my brain was screaming, "NO! NO!" but my mouth said, "Sure! Of course, I have all the time in the world."

I really need to beat that mouth into submission.

Anyway, I've done some projects in the past with wood (1x2s), chicken wire, and tissue paper. We built the frame of whatever we wanted to make, stapled chicken wire around the frame, and cut about a gazillion squares of tissue paper to stuff into the little chicken wire holes. It turns out pretty cool and it's a neat and cheap project (you just can't seem to get rid of chicken wire - it's like it multiplies after you cut it). Hyrum and I built an American flag last year that turned out great (which I didn't photograph because I'm not that smart sometimes).

Anyway, I had some help with the wood frame (thanks, Logan's!), which we made about 8 feet tall and five feet wide. Stapling the chicken wire on was the devil's chore. For some reason, my staple gun had a vengeance against me that very day. I have many scratches amongst my body from the chicken wire, too. Instead of using tissue paper, my friend Jill and I cut trash bags. Trash bags are more flexible and will fit into the holes a little better. Also, I was planning on shining a light behind it because it would be presented at night.

Anyway, enough with the boring stuff. Here are the pictures:

Can't figure out why I look like such an idiot.

I made the Moroni on top out of paper mache.

My life is full of hurly-burly.

2009-06-11T08:26:00.003-06:00

Isn't it interesting (to me at least) that the word "hurly-burly" means commotion? A whirlwind of chaos? I guess that's where my disastrous stress problems stem from, those Hurley genetics. Dang you, genomes.

To make this a little less cryptic, just in case you didn't figure it out already, I'm a teeny bit stressed out. I've always had that problem - stress. The bane of my existence, really. If I could yank that part of me away from whatever it decided to latch itself onto and throw it out a window (a window, a second story window...), I think I'd be a lot more laid back.

But the problem is, it only creeps around every once in a while. Seriously, one day, I'll be peachy keen, thinking only about what marital problems Brangelina are having this week, and then all of a sudden, like the twister that Dorothy surfed to Oz, it hits. Why haven't I finished school? Where's Hyrum going to work after the Army? Where are we going to live? Can we both work and go to school without having to put Lily in daycare? Why have I been craving cake? Will my house sell? Why won't Lily nap today? How many fingers am I holding up? Why do I take on huge responsibilities that have to be accomplished in such a short time frame?

Whether trivial or important, my mind races. And races. And races. Mario Andretti style. In the fast lane. And it's usually when I'm right about to go to sleep. So, I try and count sheep. Or listen to my breathing. Or think about meaningless, meandering thoughts. And all I end up doing is lay there pacing in my head, get up to get a glass of milk, go back to bed to try and sleep, and as I am about to doze off, Lily wakes up. Never fails. But I miss her when she's sleeping, so half the time, I don't mind.

I'm not meaning to complain. I've been trying to turn my thoughts more to Christ so that I will be serving others. I have to tell myself that God's will is my will. I'm a "it's supposed to happen" type person, so I believe that all will be well, whatever it is that we are supposed to do. But in the meantime, I'd like to sleep a little more.

Oh, heavy narcotics, come find me.

Melting Pot of Goodness.

2009-06-09T13:15:00.007-06:00

So.

I'm having a bit of a hard time deciding where to begin. I think I'll start with my juvenile naivety. A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away, I had believed that when I had Lily and I stopped working, I'd have time to do all sorts of delightful things, plan grand adventures, climb mountains, ford streams, blah blah blah.

My bad.

I had four loads of laundry sitting in my living room for three weeks. I finally folded them two days ago. I took them in my room yesterday. And that is where they sit. I find it a lot easier to keep my clothes in the folded in the hamper these days. Easier access, I think.

I can't believe it, really. I mean, I'm a pretty competent person. What the deuce? Why haven't I started my own business yet? Why am I still sitting in a messy office with things to take up to the attic (suitcases still there from my Indiana trip - two months ago)? Why do I feel so busy during the day and when the end of the day comes, I realize that I didn't really do anything? Why am I still sitting in my work-out clothes and un-showered (and I can smell the diaper that Lily has)?

You know, I'm okay with it. I love playing with my Lily, so I kind of make excuses for the shape my house in. I just don't let people leave the foyer. Haha, no but seriously.

Moving on to more important business, my sweet thang of a daughter is four months old. She's rockin' adorable. Big ol' cheeks, looks like she has jowls. She's got these creases in her hamhock thighs. Man, I wish that was cute on me. But no, people call that a free ticket to "The Biggest Loser". Dang. She's still got her Lilyhawk going on and the longer her hair gets, the bigger the fauxhawk gets. She's right about 18 1/2 lbs. A Nephi baby - large in stature. And by golly, for some reason, she has got some large-o ears. They're only about a centimeter smaller than mine. I was calling them Dumbo ears for a while, but I'm afraid I've already given her a complex. And lastly, she's got lungs that could outsing the Metropolitan Opera. Why did I have to get a baby JUST LIKE ME?

A couple of tidbits of goodness:

She has her first two teeth. I don't have a picture of her actual teeth because she won't let me get a picture, but I do have one of us wrestling for it.

She went swimming yesterday! She LOVED it. And when I say she loved it, I mean she was in the water for forty-five minutes and she didn't cry. She just kind of looked confused.

She eats rice cereal now, as you can probably tell from this picture. Lately, more of it has been ending up on her clothes than in her mouth. She takes to it okay. Sometimes, she's a champ and sometimes I think she sneezes it out on purpose.

She LOVES her Baby Einstein movie. She kept laughing (or smiling and saying, "huhhhhhh huhhhhh") when the Kangaroo came out. Genius kid. She gets jealous when I'm on the phone. Then I give her the phone and she eats it.

Hyrum and I are celebrating our three-year anniversary today! Three years of awesome weddedness. He's still in Iraq, but we're on the downhill slide. Just 5 1/2 months left, Hallelujah. I'm tired of this him-being-gone business. He's got a little girl to love, hold, kiss, snuggle, and discipline because, well, I'm just not fit for that stuff when you've got a baby who gives me kisses and loves. I'm a sucker for slobbery, open-faced kisses. Well, I hope that's a good update for you. I have too many goals that aren't getting accomplished so unfortunately, I can't put writing posts for my blog as one of them. But if you are lucky, I will venture back this way sometime soon.

Love, Kiera and assjhd/ (Lily)

This crazy little thing called love...

2009-02-28T20:47:00.005-07:00

I've had a lot of requests to write something on my blog.

There. I wrote something.

Hahaha, what if I just left it like that? I actually might have to, depending on if my little Lily decides to exercise her lungs again. It's becoming a ritual of sorts.

Well, this post might have to come in segments. I'm not sure if I'll have the time to write it all out at the moment. I have a very demanding client occupying a lot of my personal time. It's okay, she's worth it.

Let's see, we'll start with the obvious. I had a baby. She is perfect. She is beautiful. And she is loud. Chip off the ol' block, if I do say so myself.

Our little Lily Brynne Durfee was born on February 6, 2009 at 5:31p with her daddy, mommy (obviously), and Nana present. Okay, time out. She's wailing on me. Alrighty, where were we? Oh yes. LABOR. Hyrum was able to come home for his two-week rest and recuperation leave on February 5th. I was four days late and my water broke 12 hours after Hyrum came home, at about 1:00a in the morning. Now, THAT is an experience. Waking up thinking that you wet yourself is a little confusing. Really. I didn't know what to do. Call the hospital? Wake up Hyrum? Wake up my mom? Go back to sleep and let the baby come at home? I'd like to point out that Womack (my hospital) are pretty much Nazi's about everything and only will admit you if you're at least 4-5 cm dilated. Well, since I hadn't had any contractions at all (yeah, it was nice), I figured I hadn't dilated, so I didn't want to go to the hospital because I didn't want them to send me home. I'm lazy. Well, I woke up Hyrum and my mom and called the hospital just to cover all bases. We went to the hospital at about 3:00a and I was admitted at 4:30a, after they confirmed that my water had indeed broken and I was 4 cm dilated. Yeah, baby, did THAT by myself with NO contractions. Booyah. Since I hadn't had any contractions, they decided that Petocin was the best way to go. Okay, so they came. And you're all right, there really is no way to describe contractions besides the fact that they hurt and you'll know when you're having one. So, the contractions start regulating themselves and they're not that bad. They were actually pretty manageable. At the time. The nurse kept asking me how much pain I was in and I was all, "Um, like a 4." I was thinking, "This is awesome! Maybe I won't need an epidural! Maybe I'll have a pain-free labor. I'll be the ONE exception to the rule! Labor's not really labor at all!"

Yeah freaking right.

About 7 hours after they administered the Petocin, the whambamthankyouma'am contractions started. Seriously. I told Hyrum I was NEVER having any more kids, I told my mom to shut up, and I told the nurse four times to get that darn needle in my back. When she asked me how much pain I was in on a scale of 1 to 10, I glared at her and said 15. The problem was, my contraction monitor wasn't working, so she couldn't tell how far apart they were, even though I was counting and they were every 1-2 minutes. No, no one believes the chick in pain. At the nine hour mark, I peaked the emotional mess meter. I was in so much pain, I hadn't dilated any more, they were about to administer the epidural, the epidural hurt, Hyrum and my mom couldn't be in there, I was a mess. I mean snot-nosed, blubbering mess.

Then the warmth and numbness came. It was like a playground with unicorns and candy. It took about 30 minutes to fully feel the effects and then that's when the dancing fairies came in. I felt goooooood. It was like vengeance on the contraction monitor. It would show these really high numbers that indicate a lot of pain and I'd just shoot it a dirty look, like, "Who can feel it now, BOOYAH." For four hours, I tried to sleep, but unfortunately, the epidural didn't take in my left leg. So, as my babe started coming, the contractions got lower into my bum. Now, that is uncomfortable. You feel like you're going to poop on the table. That's fun. So, I made a little comment about how I could feel my entire left leg and I didn't want to feel my left leg at all and the anesthesiologist came back in and administered local anesthetic into my epidural tube. Hahahahahaha. I couldn't feel ANYTHING. No. I'm serious. Not even pressure. At that point, I was 8 cm dilated and for 45 minutes I had the most glorious sleep in the world. The nurse woke me up to check how far I had dilated and I was just complete dead weight. She didn't even have to check me. This is kind of gross, but it's my blog, so get over it. She looked at me and said, "Uh, Kiera, your baby is coming." I was like, "Whaaa?" She asked me if I felt any urge to push and I looked at her and kind of slurred, "Nooo,Idon'tfeelanything." She was all, "This baby is about to be born, you best get ready." So, I looked at Hyrum, who was sleeping, and I was all, "Hey, Hyrum. I'm going to have a baby." You should've seen the way he bolted out of that chair.

So, the nurse brought the midwife in and she told me how to push and I was thinking in my head, "I can't feel anything from the chest down, how am I supposed to push?" So I held my breath for ten seconds when she told me to push. She told me I was doing a good job, so I kept holding my breath. All of a sudden, the nurse walks away and she's fiddling with stuff, telling me how much hair my baby has. I'm like, "Uh, how do you know that?" Yeah, you don't want to know. So, anyway, I keep holding my breath when she tells me to push. Hey, don't judge me, it worked.

Four pushes later, our beautiful blue baby was born. I saw her as they lifted her up, my stomach deflated and I cried. Sobbed. Bawled. All the other synonyms in the book. I wept. Hyrum held me and I cried. He cut the umbilical cord (I know!! He wasn't going to!) and they asked me if I wanted to hold her or if I wanted her cleaned off first. Well, I have issues and I said I wanted her cleaned. I immediately regretted it. I didn't see her for 45 minutes. Hyrum and my mom got to see her and hold her and take pictures and I didn't even know what she looked like!!! It sucked! So, after they measured her and weighed her (8 lbs., 15 oz. and 21 inches long), Hyrum brought her over to me and I sobbed. I looked at her and cried. I couldn't help it. She was too beautiful.

So, to finish the post, she is three weeks old now and needs to stop growing! She's getting so big! I mean, she weighs a ton. A couple things that I'll have to update about later:

Breastfeeding sucks at first. And it hurts. IT GETS BETTER. Plan on feeling like a cow for a while.
When she smiles, it takes away all frustration, fatigue, sadness.
She laughed last night for the first time.
We've already had our first Mommy/daughter fight.
She hears Hyrum's voice and calms down.
I love her stinking guts.
Really, sleep when she sleeps. Do it.

Well, I have to go to bed. Hope that was a good start for you!

My to-do list for the week...

2009-02-01T19:14:00.000-07:00

Have a baby.

Quiet Time

2009-01-31T20:59:00.003-07:00

It's Saturday night and I'm sitting in my bedroom quietly typing a post on the computer. It's late, I have church tomorrow, I should really be going to bed.

But I can't help but rub my little belly (it's little, dangit) and feel Lily moving and kicking and getting ready to be born into this world.

What type of mother will I be? Hopefully a good one. Thinking about the world she's coming from and the world she's being born into scares me. But even then, our beloved late President Hinckley said that the church is in the best shape it's ever been in.

How will I react to all the new things that are thrown my way? Will I becoming nurturing, kind, and compassionate? Or will it take me longer to respond to natural motherly instinct?

Everything is ready for her. Her room, her clothes, her toys, even her bassinet is set up in my room, just waiting for her to come home from the hospital. But how prepared can I really be? To be responsible for a child of God, to have stewardship over a daughter of our Heavenly Father.

I'm packed, her car seat is in the car, everything is ready to go once my body tells me that it's time. After my visiting family has packed their bags and traveled home, after Hyrum has returned to Iraq, how will I know what to do?

For me, there's so much to remember. I don't want to be so busy that I forget her first smile, her first laugh, her first everything. Except her first diaper. Not it.

I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't believe that I was going to be entrusted with raising a child in righteousness. Now, I'm so excited to meet her. To see her. To be a part of her life and to love her. She means the world to me and she's not even born yet.

How will she know how much I love her? I don't think she could ever know. I want to protect her, raise her in truth, never let her date, and hope that she understands her role in this world.

How can someone so tiny and so new to this world bring so much happiness to a family? Just a regular girl and guy who are blessed to be having a baby.

I'm taking on a role that I've never taken on before and that is the role of a mother.

Precious bundle of joy.

2009-01-30T08:39:00.002-07:00

No.

I'm not talking about Lily.

I'm talking about me.

And I'm LYING.

In actuality, I am a very angry person right now. And yes, I would love to tell you why.

Let's start with this morning. My friend Caren told me about an opportunity on post where they were passing out up to 10 free "cases" of soap this morning. Well, free soap just dings the happiness bell in my life (I guess) and I thought all week about going. Well, since I have my mother here, Mrs. Frugality (I am Mrs. Frugality Jr.), I felt guilty if I didn't take the US Army up on their offer of passing out free soap.

Well, I hate waiting in lines. Hate it. As in I hate it as much as I hate Hannah Montana. Let's try another analogy. Hate it as much as I hate mushrooms. Okay, I think you get it. So, my mother and I leave at 6:45a in effort to be at the NCO Club's parking lot early enough that the line wasn't too long. Now, when you're talking people, having 500 people is a lot of people, but doesn't take up as much room as having 500 cars lined up and down Reilly Road, the road by the Clark clinic, and the other road by the mini-mall. I was, oh, say, about 30th in line. Not too shabby. I drove up and all of a sudden there was a line of cars. I thought, "This is the place" and then sat in my car for one hour while the lines got longer. And then, the annoyance came. The cars started lining up in the lane to the left of us. And then in the other lane to the left of us. And THEN when the cars started moving, the cars who had been waiting for ten minutes started trying to merge into our lane, who had been waiting for an hour and a half. And THEN, the STUPID traffic cop started trying to control traffic and started merging all those cars from all four lanes into our lane. So, instead of being 30th in line, which I was, I became, like, the 150th in line because of a foolishly laid out plan. An hour and a half turned into two hours and as I approached the traffic cop, she told me it was my turn to go. Then all of a sudden, she whips around and tells me to stop. STOP. STOP. STOP. Like her hand had just convulsed and felt the need to demonstrate the motion of STOP over and over again. Well, she had just told me to go, so I had accelerated and then she told me to STOP (because it wasn't just a stop. That would be underestimating her hand motions), meaning that I slammed on my brakes in the middle of the intersection. Well, everyone else slammed on their brakes behind me, she glares at me like I'm the devil because I've stopped and she won't even let me go and drive out of the intersection, she makes people who are turning and driving past me drive AROUND me, which causes a big old traffic funk. I was PISSED.

So, we finally get the okay to drive through (I glared at her and muttered things like "ihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyou" under my breath as I drove by) and finally, I'm in the final stretch. Or what LOOKS like the final stretch but really wasn't. We then had to wiiiiind our way into the parking lot, around the cones, up the straightaway, like I'm in a Nissan Testing Commercial, and finally, I see these big PODS filled with little boxes of soap. Finally. I popped my trunk and they didn't even talk to me as I drove by. They just loaded a few boxes of each brand into my trunk and I drove away.

I had to stop at the hospital to pick up a prescription, so I decided to check out what they gave us. Five boxes of Axe deodorant with twelve in each package (do the math - that's 60 sticks of deodorant for guys), four boxes of Caress body wash with six in each (24, good job), and three boxes of Suave shampoo with six in each box (18, nicely done). Well, the Caress and the Suave will go to good use, mostly because I should wash my body every once in a while and I need shampoo for my "food storage", but the 60 sticks of man deodorant are a little excessive. Halloween maybe?

Anyway, so that took a grand total of 3 hours and 11 minutes to get through that part of my day. I come home and I get a phone call from this lovely little lady at my attorney's office, saying that the final ticket (which they were supposed to take care of over a year ago) was reduced but not eliminated from my record. She also told me that I owe her $121 dollars. Well, here's another little math lesson for you. Two tickets over a year and a half ago: $150 each to the attorney to take care of the tickets. She said that I didn't have to pay anything else. Guess what? That attorney didn't show up at either one of my court dates to take care of the tickets. She said I had to pay her $130 for the first ticket and $121 for the second ticket. She also told me that I had to go to traffic school and that I wouldn't have to pay anything else. $50 for traffic school, plus the remainder amounts equals $601. So not only did she not take care of them and show up for my court dates, she lied and said that after I took the traffic school, I would not owe anything, AND the other ticket wasn't dismissed, which means I paid her for no reason and now my insurance is going to go up.

So, I'm going to write a lovely (not really) letter to the North Carolina Bar Association and I'm going to write her a nice little letter that says that when she failed to show up for my court dates, she lost all privileges to demand more money from me. And I'm talking big now, but when it comes to real confrontation, I get scared. I'll keep you updated.

So, I'm still angry. And I'm tired. But some strawberry cake and a nice nap might fix all of this.

Or not.

Have you ever noticed?

2009-01-29T15:04:00.002-07:00

...that when you sit in an exam room at a doctor's office, especially if it's specifically designed for prenatal care, there are posters and things on the wall that you just don't want to see?

No, I don't want to know exactly what the baby looks like at week 13. A small alien child?

No, I don't want to know what those two fingers do when it talks about "stripping my membranes" (they have got to find a different phrase for that).

And no, I would rather not know exactly what my hoohah (sorry, boys) looks like on a 3-dimensional model. Sorry, just things I'm not really into.

Well, today was my last appointment before my due date. This is what the doctor said:

"If you want to have that baby next week, we're going to stay as far away from your cervix as possible."

Good. Because even if I wanted to have the baby tomorrow, I'd still like for you to stay as far away from my cervix as possible. Gross. Cervix. My appointment was approximately 10 minutes. Which is lovely if you, like me, are slightly impatient and ADD and have a hard time focusing, especially when there are weird posters on the wall.

My doc had a Duke Med Student in with her today and to be honest, she was the cutest, bubbliest little lady I've ever met. All they did was feel where the baby was to make sure she was head down (nice picture, huh?) and listen to la heartbeat. I'd like to announce I'm the proud owner of a baby with a 130 heart rate. I'll make her an award later. What was kind of weird, though, is that since the med student was still learning, I had two sets of hands on my belly trying to figure out which way the baby was sitting. I was like, "Thank you for experimenting on me."

Other than that, I have no new news for you. There is still a baby at large inside my abdomen.

Beware.

Baby, Baby, Baby, Do Ya Love Me?

2009-01-28T21:12:00.004-07:00

The actual lyrics are "Julie, Julie, Julie", so sorry, Bobby Sherman, but I had to change it to fit this post. And I win because I'm nine months pregnant and you're sixty-six years old and probably have dementia. So, who knows, maybe it'll be a nice remake of a hit the way I wrote it.

Taking a giant leap over that pile of randomocity (no, not a real word)...

So, obviously, the hip thing on the street near my house is to talk about la babe who could make her grand appearance soon. At anytime, really. I'm due on Monday. Now, if I could request something, anything, I would ask the following.

Please stop asking me when I'm going to have the baby. Unfortunately, much like the rhinovirus, we can't put these things on calendars and make paper chains to tear off each day until the great event occurs. As stated before, I'm due on Monday. Don't worry, I'll tell someone, who will tell someone, who will tell you. I will not have the baby in complete silence.
On that note: if you call me and I do not answer, do NOT assume that I am having the baby. I have a hearing impairment and an ear infection on top of that. Or I just don't want to talk to you. Don't take it personally.
On THAT note: I am extremely cranky these days if you can't tell by the non-subtle sarcasm in this post. Do not take it personally. I have a 30 lb. lump sitting on my sciatic nerve. Bite me.
Lastly, if you tell me I'm going to pop or if you tell me JUST how big I look, plan on me either walking away from you or not talking to you for a good week or so. The minute that's mentioned, I think of the stretch marks on my abdomen and while I'm not a bikini-wearing beach girl, I still like having a stomach without zipper marks.

With those things said, I love and appreciate the immense amount of support that I've received lately. I know I don't deserve it. I know I have been a witch lately (at least you're not staying with me like my mother is, she gets the brunt of it). I will apologize after it is over.

However, I wanted to keep you updated on the situation with Hyrum and such. It looks like MAYBE (did you get that subtlety?) he might be able to POSSIBLY (again) come home for the baby's birth. That is why I'm begging that she show her love for her momma and wait a hot minute to come out. The later she is, the more likely it is that Hyrum won't miss it. Listen, I've already resigned myself to a massive child at birth - what's a couple more days? And if her daddy gets to be home? I don't care if she's 15 pounds (yes, I do), her dad will be here for me to scream at and to swear at even though I NEVER swear (unless she's 15 pounds). So, if you have room in your prayers ... say a little one for us that her dad can be home for the birth or very soon after so he can see his little daughter who already has him wrapped around her inch-long finger. What can I say? My big, strong, handsome husband is a big sissy when it comes to his little girl. And again, when I say "little"...

So, let's pray for a quick and safe travel for Hyrum, a quick and safe delivery of Lily, and three epidurals to go for me.

And this whole heartburn thing is lovely, by the way. Makes me want to sedate myself.

Mommy's Coming!

2009-01-16T07:03:00.001-07:00

I say Mommy because I have officially turned into a 6-year-old child. I am picking her up from the airport at about 2:00p today and she's staying with me for a month. Any ideas pre-baby for entertainment? Fayetteville's not exactly the most entertaining place ever. I mean, I could take her to see a drive-by. Shooting, that is. But she might not be as entertained as I am.

By the way, my hair in that picture is phenomenal, I think.

A note of gratitude and love...

2009-01-15T08:07:00.003-07:00

I have a dear friend Tiffany who I've known for many years. We even had our 16th birthday party together. She's a righteous daughter of God and has always been an example to me.

Tiffany and her sweet husband Tim have had a very hard struggle for the past eight months - their unborn daughter was diagnosed with anencephaly, which basically means that little Emma (their daughter) developed without a brain (only a brain stem) or a bone covering on the back of her head.

Tiffany created a blog to let her dedicated readers know how things were progressing and any updates that might have occurred with little Emma. She was scheduled to be induced this morning due to many, many talks about their birth plan and prayers with their Heavenly Father.

Emma fought hard to be born into this world, but the strain of labor was too much as her heart rate slowed and she "gave one last parting kick to her mom" (from their blog).

Tim, the dad, shared this on their blog as well.

The Earth would be dreary without them,

The world all a desolate waste,

What wonder bright angels about them,

Call home to the Father in haste?

Oh mothers! Your treasures most holy

Which seem not a virtue to lack,

Almost like, “The Lamb” meek and lowly—

What wonder God wishes them back?

What wonder he chooses the purest,

The happiest, dearest, most blest?

In His home all things must be surest—

He wants but the truest and best.

He plans for us Immortal pleasures,

As emblems our babies are giv'n,

He kindly secures us our treasures—

He knows we should want them in heaven.

Oh! The children! Our light and our blessings,

Without them the world would be nought;

Through natures rich chambers and dressings

Would sweetness all vainly be sought:

Our hopes and delights were all riven,

We should know only doubt and despair—

Who would ask for a portion in heaven,

If children were not there?

I'd like to (as publicly as possible) extend my love to their family and let them know how grateful I am for their continued faith and righteousness. Being new to this motherhood thing, I am grateful to them for their example of how loving a mother should be and how their dependence on their Heavenly Father brought them so much peace to their family at this time.

Thank you, Tiffany.

Lily's Room!

2009-01-14T11:42:00.001-07:00

I obviously need some crib bedding, but I can wait. The quilt at the end is one that my mom made. She made two - she's a pretty freaking amazing quilter. Quiltwoman. Quilterlady. Whatever.

These are the shelves that are slanted away from the wall - you probably can't tell, but uh, yeah, that stuff's going to fall. I have to mount them with some L-brackets. Or keep everything off of them. That would be stupid.

This is her beautiful crib with no bumpers so she'll fall through the bars.

Her dresser and window and stroller. I know I didn't really need to clarify, but that's just for all of you really unsmart people out there.

Again, her stroller which will go somewhere else once I find a better place for it.

Her special Brock Cabinets dresser.

Wow, this can get pretty repetitive.

Again.

Okay, we're done.

I got suuuunshiiiiiine on a cloudy day...

2009-01-12T20:40:00.002-07:00

There is no relevance between the title and this post. I just happen to be listening to Jackson 5, talking 'bout "My Girl". Which I guess I could in a very "deep" way relate to my daughter that is currently sitting on my sciatic nerve. But I won't.

What I will write about is the fact that a) I haven't written in a month and b) I have a crapnasty cold right now that's sucking every piece of energy out of my soul. And that I'm having a baby in three weeks.

Quick rundown on the past month:

1. Spent two great weeks in Indiana for Christmas - saw old friends, spent time with family. AWESOME.
2. Quit my job at Brock Cabinets - spent a couple days struggling with the transition between not working and working. After I recovered from that, I learned to love my time to REST. And sleep until 9. Or 10.
3. Had a great baby shower here in Fayetteville with good friends and I'm not so nervous about Lily coming now.
4. Came down with a terrible cold and I can't breathe and I'm terribly tempted to take some Nyquil to sleep. It's only 10% alcohol... (I KNOW, I'm not going to.)

Future benchmarks:

1. My mother is flying in this Friday so I won't go too crazy pre-labor, during labor, and post-labor. Possible? Maybe...not.
2. Doctors Appointment next Tuesday at my 38 week mark.
3. My birthday on January 26th.
4. Lily Brynne Durfee making her grand appearance into this world any time after that.

That's about it. I hope to feel better soon and I might even write a better post. For all of the time on my hands, I'm surprising myself because I'm not writing on this more.

Well, I hope you're not suffering from the same nasty cold that's eating my brain and energy.

PEACE.

You know what creeps me out?

2008-12-16T11:11:00.004-07:00

I walk outside to my mailbox pretty late some nights and it's dark except for the Christmas lights of my neighbor (Clark Griswold) and all of a sudden I see something moving in the corner of my eye. Is it someone watching me? My house? Am I envisioning things? I decide to face the foe head on and realize...

....it's a moving reindeer made of lightbulbs and wire.

I HATE those things.

News of the Weird

2008-12-15T07:10:00.002-07:00

So, I had an extremely long day yesterday. I won't delve, but let's just say that a long nap plus a regular bedtime makes me happy. Well, I was sleeping and all of a sudden, at 1:22 a.m., I hear my work cell phone start vibrating. I roll over to look at it and it says PRIVATE. I was thinking, okay ... maybe Hyrum is calling me? But he wouldn't call me on my work cell phone. I went ahead and answered it. This is the conversation that ensued.

Me (groggy as heck): Hello?
Other man with an extremely deep voice literally YELLING into the phone: HELLO? HELLO?
Me: Hello?
Said man: WHO IS THIS?
Me (I'm not about to say who this was): I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number.
Him: NO, I DON'T. HELLO? WHO IS THIS?
Me: Again, I think you have the wrong number. Who is this?
Him: NO, I DON'T! THIS IS BRANDON! YOU GAVE ME YOUR NUMBER AT THE STORE TODAY.
Me: I didn't go to the store today. (Because at 1:22 a.m., that sounded like the most logical thing to say.)
Him: YES, YOU DID!
Me: Uh, no I didn't. You have the wrong number.
Him: NO, I DON'T! IF YOU DIDN'T GIVE IT TO ME, THEN YOUR DAUGHTER DID!
Me (not about to burst his bubble by telling him that my daughter is still in utero): Okay, goodbye.
Him: NO! WHERE'S YOUR DAUGHTER? AHHHH! WITCH! (Obviously, he said the real word.)

Dial tone.

What? I'm glad that phone is registered to Brock Cabinets and not to me, I'd be a little frightened of what he'd do to me or my daughter.

It was weeeird.

My Super Superhero Power

2008-12-12T09:52:00.002-07:00

If I had the capability to have superhero powers, this is what I would have. I would make more hours during the evening hours for me to accomplish things. Not during the work day, bleh. I would come home at 5:30 and add a couple of hours between then and 10:00p where stores would be open and there was light outside so I could get things done.

Or I could just take a time management course.

The Magic of December

2008-12-03T08:45:00.002-07:00

For the first time (in my life), I wish that it would snow in Fayetteville. I mean, we had flurries a couple of weeks back (Hyrum calls it "spitting"), but that's not snowing. I wish it would lay blankets of snow on my yard, my roof, my trees, my driveway (so I'd have to buy a shovel. Or a snowblower. Or would a leaf blower work?), even my mailbox. And I wish it would snow at night. And then I could stay inside my house and light a fire in the fireplace, turn on Christmas music, decorate my home with all things beautiful, and bake goodies (I can't think of another word. Sue me.) for all of my friends. A little Josh Groban and a few Christmas classics by the Rat Pack would suffice. I would look out the window with my steaming mug of hot chocolate (with milk, water is guh-ross) and watch the snow fall gently on the ground. Then in the morning, the sun would be shining on the snow and it would sparkle and I wouldn't walk on it. When I was a kid, I always wanted a clean yard of snow, but with 16,000 siblings, that was never possible. You would be able to see little animal tracks in the snow and the cardinals sitting in my holly tree. And of course, this would be only on the days that I wanted snow. Like the first few weeks of December. And Christmas Eve. And Christmas.

And then it would all melt.

I feel bad for the DISH Network guy.

2008-12-01T19:03:00.002-07:00

Well, I did it.

I did what they said could not be done.
I did not cry when he left.
I didn't cry when I said goodbye.
I didn't cry when I got into my car.
He asked me not to look back. I didn't look back.
I turned up Jon Bon Jovi and Queen to the loudest volume setting and busted out to "I Want to Break Free" and "It's My Life" on my way home. Those were good times. (I didn't know all of the words, so I had to make up some.) Nonetheless, I'd suggest some classic 80s tunes for when you're feeling down. They might just bring you back to life.
I went to my friend Solly's house and stayed there for a little while and talked and played games with her family. Didn't cry there.
Drove home thinking, "Okay, if I can just wait until I walk in the door, (because inevitably, it's coming), that will be the best."
I got home, I went inside, and didn't cry there.
I got ready for bed, did a couple of pointless things around the house, and then knelt down and said a prayer of safety for Hyrum and for Lily and me and there might have been oooooone roller down the cheekage, but that's not crying, that's an escaped convict.
And then I went to sleep.

Hyrum asked me to be strong and I did it! I can't believe that I, a hormonal, emotional drama queen, went through something so ridiculously tough and my tears didn't betray me. So, I thought I'd let you know that I am Xena Warrior Princess.

Crying is totally okay. I know, because I've cried a few times today, more out of frustration than anything (my internet, phone, and TV service is trying to screw me over). I cried in front of the DISH Network guy. He looked more than a little awkward.

I was just proud of how I behaved this time in relation to the last deployment. Even though my heart hurts and I am completely devastated that he is gone, I know that everything will be okay and the Lord will watch out for him and for us and I am so grateful for that. He's my best friend, eternal companion, my love, my everything and it's always so hard to have them away, but I'm determined to think positively and make this year a productive one.

I took today off of work and got so much done! I'm quitting my job this month and I'm actually looking forward to it. I thought I'd be bored out of my mind, but I'm going to enjoy the time I have with our daughter and to better myself here at home.

To those who are or soon will be going through a deployment or unwilling separation from your spouse, remember that your Heavenly Father loves you and will hold you up when you feel like you can't stand.

That's all.

Mixed Berry Yoplait yogurt gives me the heeby-jeebies.

2008-11-26T08:03:00.007-07:00

There is no significant meaning in that title. It's just a proven fact. Proven because I just ate it and it tasted like there was fruit in my cough syrup. Guh-ross.

Actually, my driven purpose in writing today's post is for none other than the fact that it is Thanksgiving tomorrow and I'd like to write the things that I'm thankful for. (I know, you might as well start napping now.) Most of these aren't at all important, some may be, and some are simply ridiculous.

Like this one.

(I'm grateful for...)

...the whipped cream on the top of pumpkin pies, hot chocolate, and anything else on which you can put cool whip in a can. Delicious. The fact that I made a lemon meringue pie for Hyrum's birthday (first time ever - not his birthday, the pie) and it was fantastic. Tart and tangy and sweet and oh, so bad for you. Lest I continue with making myself hungry, I'll change topics. I'm actually thankful for snow. We don't get much of it down here in the boondocks, and when I say much, I mean we get absolutely none. So, I think the absence of it makes me miss the six feet that Indiana gets and I miss it. But then I don't when I think of how my toes never seem to thaw. Creativity. I'm grateful for creativity and the results of having a completely crazy mind. Sometimes, I think of the weirdest things and have to put them into practice. And sometimes, just sometimes, they turn out fabulously. Closed-toe shoes. When I was a kid, I thought that my toes could brave the winter storms and I would wear flip-flops and open-toed sandals to school because I was stupid and I thought I was cool (oh, the list that I could write). Now I'm grateful for the non-frostbitten feeling I get when I snuggle my little toesies together in shoes made for wintertime. (I hope I don't start talking like that when Lily's born. Bleah.) GREAT PHOTOGRAPHERS. We have a friend in our ward who has his own photography company (www.kenkassensphotography.com) and he took our pictures a couple of days ago and they turned out beautiful. I mean, our yard is in desperate need of some tender lovin', but Ken made it look like GOLD. Sam's Club. Need I say more? Well, I will. I love some me time of strolling down the aisles looking for absolutely nothing. Big boxes of things that I won't use? Sure, I'll take it. Calming paint colors. Our bedroom is painted the most serene and calming shade of blue - the kind that feels like you are staring into a calm ocean. It's incredibly relaxing. Haha, I almost wrote relaxful.
Sarcasm. I love it. Really good sales on things you need. Warm blankets. Instrumental music. Quiet Sundays. Christmas music. Hair dryer diffusers. Plush carpet. Skim milk.

I think the list could go on and on. However, here are the things that I'm very thankful for:

A Heavenly Father who loves me.
My Savior Jesus Christ who atoned for me.
My sweet husband who is my best friend and eternal companion.
A beautiful daughter who will teach me to love as the Savior loves.
My family - my parents who raised me in righteousness (although I didn't always follow) and my terrific sisters and brothers who are some of my closest friends.
Hyrum's family - a family that I consider my own and who I love dearly.
Good friends who uplift, edify, and teach.
Talents that help to distinguish us from others.
The Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the Earth.

I hope we can all remember why we celebrate Thanksgiving. It's not about the deliciously cooked turkey with gravy or the stuffing or the pie, but about love and gratitude and friendship.

Best wishes to you and yours on this Thanksgiving.

Love,
Kiera

When it's hard to say goodbye...

2008-11-25T13:50:00.010-07:00

"Hold her closer when she cries,
Hold her closer when she feels,
She needs a hand to hold,
Someone who'll never let her go.
And hold him closer when he tries,
To hold the tears back from his eyes,

Don't say goodbye."

I need reassurance ...

2008-11-24T09:07:00.003-07:00

... that I'm not going crazy.

I literally am LOSING MY MIND. Losing my marbles. Going insane.

And it's not something I can control.

I cannot remember ANYTHING.

Hyrum and I went to the movies on Saturday night. We pre-purchased the tickets (fandango, the best way to go), went into the theater, sat in the very front row, realized that watching James Bond that close up was going to make us vomit, and moved to higher seats. We watched, enjoyed, went to dinner with some close friends, went home, and went to bed.

At 3:00 a.m., I get a phone call from the movie theater.

"Mrs. Durfee?"
"Uh, yes?"
"You left your pocketbook here at the theater."
"My what?"
"Your purse."
"Oh."
"I hope you didn't mind, I had to go through it to see who it belonged to. I found your note of pregnancy (for travel), and I knew you would be super worried about where your purse was, so that's why I'm calling this late."
"Oh."
"It will be up at the front desk for you to pick up."
"Oh. Thank you."

Here's the kicker. I can't even remember bringing my purse into the theater. I had to, because I had the tickets in my purse, but I can't remember doing it.

Another example. I woke up this morning and got ready for work, grabbed my work phone by my bed, put it in my pocket, and got into the car. On the way to work, I reached for my phone to call Hyrum. Hmm. Not in my pocket. Not in my purse. Not in the cracks in the car. Not on the seat. I must have left it at home.

But where? I put it in my pocket.

See, I'm losing my freaking mind. I can't remember anything.

Am I completely alone in this?

Bitter Blessings.

2008-11-21T06:24:00.004-07:00

You know how you can get three different types of chocolate at the store? Well, you can get more than that. My personal favorite is white chocolate. In cookies. With macadamia nuts. Yes, oh yes. Sorry. I digress.

Three basic types of chocolate: bittersweet (or just bitter), semi-sweet, and milk chocolate. Each of these chocolates have a unique purpose and each are used to create different recipes, different textures and consistencies, but most importantly, they create different tastes.

Milk chocolate is chocolate with condensed milk added. The US government said that it officially has to keep 10% concentration of the chocolate liqueur for it to be considered milk chocolate. We use milk chocolate in many things - I use it in chocolate chip cookies because I like the sweeter taste. We use it in candies, chocolate milk (oh yeah), and generally, it's the worst for you because of the small percentage of actual chocolate in it.

Semi-sweet is actually dark chocolate with a lower sugar content. It's great for baking and melting, using for anything that calls for chocolate. It's required to have 35% or 45% actual chocolate in it to be considered semi-sweet, but the results of using this chocolate are phenomenal.

Bittersweet, bitter, or unsweetened chocolate are the darkest chocolates with the least sugar content in them. The rule is that the higher the percentage of cocoa, the less sweet the chocolate will be. These chocolates vary from 35% to completely unadulterated chocolate (dark, ground chocolate beans) and are used with the slight addition of sugar in cakes, brownies, confections, and cookies. Also, the higher percentage of chocolate, the better it is for you and many of the 60% or more chocolates have antioxidants that will help prevent cancer.

I actually wrote most of that myself and I have a point. Bear with me.

Last night, I attended an Enrichment meeting with the women in my ward. I had a great time. We ate (yeaaah), talked, spoke about things we were grateful for ("babies and food"), and simply socialized, which was relaxing and nice to do. I talked so much. I should get a muzzle. Anyway. One of the women in the ward made a comment about how she was grateful for the military, because it led her to be in places that she would have never intentionally gone and in doing so, met some of her closest friends. A darling girl beside me nudged me and I can only assume it was to tease me about how I complain about the military pretty frequently. I leaned over to her and said, "Hey, I'm grateful for the military! Free babies!"

I'd like to clear up a misconception about myself. When I met Hyrum and found out that he was in the Army, I was less than thrilled. I even think that the phrase, "Okay, bye!" ran through my mind. The military is an organization that (because of ignorance, really), I never thought I wanted to be a part of it. Obviously, I married my darling husband and being an Army wife was part of the package. We've had our ups and downs with the US Army - I'll be completely honest about that. I've learned a lot. I'm grateful for their health care, for the benefits that they give to families. I'm grateful for steady paychecks. I'm grateful that they do their best to accommodate any type of problem that they encounter. They create groups, forums, support systems for families, for addictions, for anything. I think that is very noble of them. However, I don't trust them. I cannot believe anything that is said. I firmly believe in the statement, "I'll believe it when I see it." You can get your hopes up over and over again, and watch them get dashed in a millisecond. So, I don't believe them. Moreover, I CHOOSE not to believe them. I think that it benefits us (Hyrum and I) when we plan for the worst and see what the outcome is. Pessimist, you say? More like realist. Another obvious con are deployments. Really, who wants to send someone you love to a foreign country for a year plus? It's emotional on both ends and can create a strain if each person is not willing to work for and fight for their relationship.

With all of that said, I'd like to bring the chocolate into the conversation again. As you've learned in your minimarthastewartchocolatelesson, there are different types for different purposes. However, it has one main goal in mind: to make things taste delicious. (Side note: People can fight about whether or not they like chocolate. I personally don't care for certain kinds, while I enjoy others. NOT THE POINT.) From variations of cakes, cookies, breads, sweets, candies, drinks, and even main courses, these varying types of chocolates do their job and there is a final result.

Whether it be sweet, semi-sweet, bittersweet, or just plain bitter, we can take these things and transform them into something wonderful. The situations that we come across in life don't always lead us to the perfect path at the perfect time. Sometimes it's hard and sometimes, we don't think that we can make it. Our attitudes may not always be positive. Our ideal life may not always be ideal. But, with this knowledge that the end result can be wonderful if we choose to make it that way, we can do a lot more than sitting and moping.

The US Army has been a big blessing in Hyrum's and my life. We met because he was in the Army. We are able to have lots of time off. We don't have to pay anything for Lily to be born. We are able to pay a house payment each month. For each year in, Hyrum gets a pay raise. The Army has taught Hyrum discipline. It's taught me that there are thousands of people who are in the same shoes that I am. It's taught us both to be less selfish. We love the people that we've met in the military and in our ward. We've met some of our closet friends because we've been stationed here. We know that until Hyrum gets out of the Army, we will have a steady paycheck. Hyrum gets weekends off and long lunches so we can eat together. He's learned to jump from planes. His marketability when he looks for a job will skyrocket because of his experience in the Army. And yes, like I've pointed out, there are things that we don't like. But there will always be things that don't fit into our scheme of things.

And that's why we have an eternal plan from a loving Heavenly Father who knows us and loves us more than we can fathom. So, whether your life is coasting along like a creamy, milk chocolate Hershey's bar or if you are in an uphill struggle in that bag of bitter dark chocolate, remember that only you can prevent forest fires. I mean, only you can use what you have to make the end result a great one.

Now I'm hungry.

29 Bottles of Baby on the Wall...

2008-11-19T06:23:00.004-07:00

Yeah, I know, I just couldn't think of a clever title. Kind of gross, if you think about it literally. Bottles of babies? WEIRD. Well, I thought I'd upload some Week 29 pregnancy pictures. As you can tell, I resemble a purple Michelin man. It's kind of weird to think that in 11 weeks, I will have grown a human being. It's really sci-fi when you get nitty gritty with it. I hope you enjoy these. I sure don't. :)

The death threats need to stop.

2008-11-18T09:35:00.002-07:00

My dear friends. And acquaintances (it took me three tries to spell that word). And blog stalkers. I hope I have several. And that I've made you mad because of my lack of posting.

I'd like to issue a formal apology in a written statement. I am very SORRY that I have not written anything on this dear blog in several weeks. Near a month, even. I know that every day you and your friends are sitting at the computer and refreshing your page to see if anything new pops up. A time consuming task, but imperative.

I was going to tell you to get a life, but lest I offend someone and be semi-hypocritical, I won't. I mean, c'mon. Who doesn't have those blogs or Facebook profiles that they look at EVERY day, sometimes more than once, to keep up with every slight detail of that person's life? Oh, you don't? You don't even get on the computer every day? You're perfect and you sit in a nicely cushioned chair with a halo atop your head while doing productive things, such as supporting UNICEF or paying for a homeless child's college education?

Well, while you sit and knit for the orphans of Iran with your precious bejeweled skeins of heavenly yarn, I am sitting here playing my 16th game of Freecell and getting carpal tunnel from typing this post. And I enjoy every minute of it. I like being a Facebook stalker. While Facebook can get incredibly repetitive sometimes, I enjoy the lack of privacy it gives other people so that I can writhe my way into their lives unknowingly. And if that's not on the same creepy level as Joey Greco from Cheaters and the little tuft of hair under his lower lip, I don't know what is.

Okay, so this post is already pointless, but the objective in my formal apology is to say that I'm very sorry for not writing for a long time. See, I could've written that already, but it wouldn't have been nearly as entertaining.

Here come the excuses.

I've been busy.
I haven't wanted to write anything.
I'm pregnant.
Hyrum's deploying.
I'm extremely lazy.
I'm extremely lazy.
I'm extremely lazy.
I'm extremely lazy.
I'm extremely lazy.
I'm extremely lazy.

Okay, well, now that we have those out of the way, let me just move past this self-depricating part and update you on my innermost workings (almost literally), because I know you have a desire to know how my child is doing. Our child, sorry. Getting selfish already.

Lily is great. I had a check-up a couple of weeks ago and she is measuring a little large (hmm, wow, that surprises me so much that I looked at my husband who is 6'3" and 230 pounds and said, "Darling, where are we getting such a great in stature child from? I mean, look at you and me! Midgets, basically. Aren't we fit for a 5 lb. baby?"). But, I'm assuming that she's measuring large because I'm gaining weight. I was so quick to boast and brag my weight gain in the first 23 weeks. 6 pounds. YAY-YUH. And then in the course of a 5-week period, I happened to accumulate 13 1/2 lbs. in my midsection and my chin. No, I'm sorry. My three chins. A grand total of 19 1/2 pounds which I blame on Halloween and the entire stock of candy I keep in my drawer at work. And Thanksgiving that's coming up. And Christmas. While it's easy to ease the hot flashes in the winter, I say it's harder work to be pregnant in the Holiday months because I could very easily be mistaken for just plain fat.

Anyway, back to Lil Durf, we're getting super excited for her. Hyrum and I painted her room a few weeks ago ... and haven't done anything with it since. We have grand aspirations. And a disease called procrastination. I love how every time I talk to my mom, she tells me that she's bought this new sleeper for Lily or a new dress (which is great because she's literally going to spend her life naked if I don't learn responsibility and buy her some clothes). It makes me very happy that my momma is going to be a grandmomma and she is going to love Lily. She's going to be here when Lily is born and I am thrilled because that means I get to eat because she will make me food. Because if she didn't, I'm pretty sure I would starve. Not that I don't love cooking, but I'm not a very good multi-tasker. So now I get to eat! Phew, that's a relief, especially because, um, I love to eat and I will go into withdrawals because of the amount I'm taking in currently.

Speaking of Hyrum, which we weren't, but this is my blog, he is doing pretty well. And the answer to your question is anywhere between now and the end of the month. I could not honestly tell you the exact date that he deploys. And I don't think I'm allowed, so if I have told you...take an amnesia pill or something, 'kay? He and I are doing a lot of little things around the house that need to be done. Like cleaning. Oh no, haven't done that in a while. And that's why you aren't invited over. But we are finishing up little things that I will have a hard time doing when he leaves. Like cleaning the garage and putting up new blinds and sitting and watching football. Nope, I'll have just as easy a time doing that when he leaves.

Also, Hyrum's birthday is this Thursday and he'll be 26. So, if you see him or talk to him, do me a favor and pinch him really hard so that it leaves a bruise. That's been his favorite game to play lately and then I punch him and he punches me back and then I punch him and he gives me a charley horse and then I cry. We have a phenomenal relationship.

Well, my friends, this has been rather therapeutic. If not for anyone else but myself, I'm glad I wrote this post.

Fatigue, twizzlers, and gross hot chocolate.

2008-10-29T08:34:00.002-06:00

What a title.

There's really no story behind that title. Those are just the three things that came to my head when I thought about my day so far. And it's only 10:36a. It's going to be a long'un.

For some reason, Hyrum and I haven't been able to see each other very much this week. And it's been a trend more recently than not. It's unfortunate, really. Hyrum had an emergency recall formation on Sunday during church for the second time in two weeks (basically, they sit around for hours on end at work and do nothing - usually on a Sunday), and then he had CQ from Monday at 9:00a to Tuesday at 9:00a. I don't know what the exact meaning of CQ is, but it really means that he is on 24-hour duty: can't sleep, leave, or anything. It happens every once in a while, so I'm not concerned, but he just told me that he has it again on Thursday morning. That sucks. I'm trying to spend as much time with him as possible before he deploys and I feel like the Army is out to get me. It's really not, I've just transformed into a large pity party. It's ... great.

So, the other day, when he was on CQ, I slept great for the first time in a couple of weeks. It was smooth and uninterrupted and I actually got up at 6:15a and brushed my hair and curled it and didn't look all Amy Winehouse at work for once. It was refreshing. Then, for some reason, last night I woke up at 3:00a (happens pretty consistently) and then I woke up when Hyrum left at 5:00a and then I woke up at 6:00a and then I woke up at 6:40 and then at 6:45. That is irritating to me. I don't get a nap during the day anyway because I work and my desk is uncomfortable to sleep on, so I have to get a good night's sleep. When I don't, I am CUH-RANKY. Like this morning. And every day last week.

On a side note, I LOVE TWIZZLERS. I really do. Right now, I could very easily eat a whole bag of them. My friend Bill at work gave some to me today and I was very happy. And I got hot chocolate this morning and it tastes like warm water. BLEAH.

Okay, and the pointless blog entry award goes toooo ... ME.

Darn pictures...

2008-10-28T06:15:00.005-06:00

Since they didn't post on the last entry, I will post them here so you can see the red monster that is me.

Ten minutes and some black cardstock later...

2008-10-27T14:01:00.001-06:00

Saturday was uber fun. I mean, it was great. It had been a gray day outside and the depressing spirit of the day fought with Hyrum and I at first. For some reason, we had a hard time getting into the swing of things that day. We had so much we wanted to do, but as the day progressed, our list of what we actually did paled in comparison to what we still had left. Isn't that always how it goes? We wanted to go to the Ward Halloween party, but after showing up last year as one of the three individuals not dressed up, I thought that I had no choice but to create a costume for myself. Wellll, pregnancy and Halloween don't really mix very well. All I could think of was going as Mary. Like Joseph and Mary? I know, I know. So, after some thought and deliberation, I thought back to a couple of weeks ago. I had worn some red stretch pants and a red maternity shirt around the house one day after work. Hyrum laughed and told me I looked like the Kool-Aid man. You know - "Hey, Kool-Aid!" (Breaks through brick wall...) "OH, YEAAHH!!" I decided that this was as good as it would get, so I found a picture online and cut the pieces out of black cardstock and used scrapbooking glue dots to attach it to my shirt.

Ten minutes later, this is what you see...

Our Ward had a Chili Cook-Off as well - pretty common around this time of year, eh? Well, having at one point been over the Activities Committee, I was always concerned about not having enough food. So, out of the goodness of my heart (ha! There's no goodness there), I made some chili to make sure that everyone got enough to eat. Well, in my stupidity, I didn't check the number that they had placed next to my chili, so when they announced the winner, no one got up. I was like, "Wow, what an idiot. They didn't check their number." Then they held up the crock pot that won. And it was mine. I felt like an ... idiot. Well said, Kiera.

I won a big silver spoon that I have to give back. Bishop Parker told me not to skip town with it.

Wow, those red pants and that red shirt look AWFUL TIGHT. :)

That big silver spoon proved a great prop to me later in the evening. I kept stirring myself up.

Lily InsertMiddleNameHere Durfee

2008-10-23T12:41:00.001-06:00

Hyrum and I got a chance to get another ultrasound of Lily last night and it was phenomenal. She's getting SO big. She weighs 1 pound, 14 ounces already! Holy smokes. She was sitting on top of my bladder, indian style, and her head was by my belly button so I have to be careful not to, you know, poke her eye out or something by my equilibrium problems. My scanner was finally working at work, so I decided to post some of the ultrasound pictures that I have. I have more at home; I'll update later!

Her lovely little lips and nose. Her nose looks big, but I think it's just the angle and she SHO' DID get her daddy's big lips! I LOVE THEM!

That's her head - her forehead and her nose and her hand up by her nose. She was (quoting the nurse) "sniffing her fingers". Gross, Lily.

This is her face from the front. The eyes are those two dark spots and then her nose and her cute chunky little cheeks and her mouth and chin.

There are more coming, I have about 20 pictures at home. These are just from the most recent ultrasound.

I should really try one day to look nice when I take these pictures...

2008-10-23T05:11:00.005-06:00

This is right after work/an ultrasound (which I will update you about later) and right before we started tearing (we, ha! Hyrum...) out our bathroom cabinets. Oh, the feats we take on at 8:00 at night...

We're getting some actually family pictures taken in November by a phenomenal photographer in our ward, so hopefully we'll have some good pictures for Christmas ... and to put on our wall ... and to show people. Instead of ones like these ...

As the World Turns. Or just Fayetteville.

2008-10-22T09:41:00.006-06:00

I know, my friends. Hate all you want. Tell me you've forgotten about me. But the real truth is, I'm aware, that you have been simply pining for me to write a post. Well, I would've loved to. But alas, the real world has been calling my name ... and I've also not been in the writing mood, dude. I'll tell you why.

But FIRST, I'd like to preface this post by saying that I'm in somewhat of a topsy-turvy hurley-whirly of a mood. It's gone from just peachy keen and dandy to "hand-me-that-bag-I'm-going-to-hyperventilate" in the course of the morning. So, depending on how long it takes me to write what I'd like to say, I may just shift into Dr. Jekyll a few times during the course of this post. But if you know me at all, I daresay you think I do that already, so, we'll just keep on keepin' on.

Let's see, since I last wrote (which was October 8th - seems like a lifetime ago), I've been keeping busy to say the least. I'll start with the pleasant, and try and hide the not-so-pleasant within the lines of this blog. The Stake Young Men and Women's Presidencies hosted a School of the Missionaries for the youth ages 12-18 in the stake. It was phenomenal, if I do say so myself. We had a rather large turnout of youth and they were happy and spiritual and the day was great. We split the youth up into four missions - Sweden, China, Finland, and Russia and they went throughout the day being taught how to give a Book of Mormon away, correct teaching principles, how to live the mission rules, and (my favorite), how to sing a primary song in their language. They also competed in games promoting good health and personal hygiene. It was a successful day. The best part of the day, though, came at the very end of the "school". At about 4:00, the youth gathered in the Chapel for their closing ceremonies of sorts and they each sang their song in their respective languages. The songs that had been chosen were "As I Have Loved You" and "Love One Another". The spirit entered the chapel with such grace as it touched our hearts, even though we had no idea what words they were singing. I'm sure it helped that we were familiar with the songs, but it reminded me of chapter 19 of 3 Nephi. Christ comes again in chapter 11 and for several chapters, he teaches the people and he blesses them. He then promises to come again on the morrow and when he does, the disciples and twelve large multitudes of people are praying to the Father in Jesus Christ's name. He then prays for them in a language which is undiscernable and with words that "cannot be written" but it says the spirit entered the hearts of the people and they understood exactly what he was praying for. I thought that this incident illustrated how the spirit can break bonds and barriers and can create an environment of love and teaching.

We then had a guest speaker from the Mission Presidency who called on an actual Elder who had come to volunteer his time to help with the youth. He bore his testimony of how a long time ago, in Samoa, the missionaries serving there were banned to speak about the church because the King of Samoa said they could not preach. They were still invited to be teachers to the children and the adults - to teach them to read and write. One of the King's daughters, who was 17, asked a lot of questions and finally, she asked about why they were so happy and devoted the the work they were doing in Samoa. According to the law of the King, they could not answer her, but gave her a Book of Mormon. Within two weeks, she had read the entire book and knew the truthfulness of the book and wanted to be baptized. She petitioned her father, the King, and asked that this truth be able to be spread by those missionaries. The King gave her two choices: Either burn the book and forget everything she had read or leave the island. She packed her things and left the island. She moved to Hawaii, where she was baptized and married a member of the church. That man who she married was who this Elder was named after and that woman was his great-grandmother. The spirit entered immediately into the hearts of all that were listening. He was so grateful for this woman who defied tribulation and sought for the truth.

We then stood and sang, "We'll Bring the World His Truth". It was phenomenal, watching these 80+ youth stand in their "mission" attire and sing these phrases:

We have been born
As Nephi of old
To goodly parents who love the Lord
We have been taught and we understand
That we must do as the Lord commands

We have been saved for these latter days
To build the kingdom in righteous ways
We hear the words our Prophet declares
Let each who's worthy go forth and serve

We know his plan and we will prepare
Increase our knowledge through study and prayer
Daily we'll learn until we are called
To preach the gospel to all the world

We are as the Army of Helaman
We have been taught in our youth
And we will be the Lord's missionaries
To bring the world his truth

Ultimately, it was a profoundly spiritual day, a day that I hope will rest in the minds of those youth who were there. I hope they can recall that day when they go to serve missions - maybe it will be a deciding factor for them!

A couple more updates for you, as well.

1. Hyrum's deployment date has been moved up two weeks to the beginning of the third week in November (I'm pretty sure I can't give out exact dates unless I want to get in trouble). There was a possibility for a while that Hyrum was going to be able to stay home until Lily was born, but we missed the cut-off date by a week. He would have been only allowed to stay until the end of January and darn me, I'm due February 2nd. Of course they can't extend it just a few days. That would be too practical. But oh well, I'm not at all bitter.

I'm FUH-REAKING out, though, because all of a sudden, I only have so much time left until Hyrum leaves and we've got so much to do! Today, my brain went into spinning mode: have to get Lily's room done, have to finish this or that, have to get pictures taken, need to plan on this, blah blah blah, and I called Hyrum and darn that amazing man, he was able to calm me down and to help me realize that, GUESS WHAT!?, we can and will get it all done. I just married the best guy ever.

2. I am getting bigger. For those of you not here in Fayetteville, I look like a beached whale. I will post pictures as soon as I have the guts to take them. Well, I sure have the guts. They're sticking out in front of me like a tidal wave of baby.

3. I have a second ultrasound scheduled for tonight after work. Last time I went, she decided to be funny and not move at all, so they didn't get a very clear view of her kidneys. I'm excited for the chance to go one more time to see her on the screen and to have Hyrum get to see her one more time.

And lastly,

4. Lily is doing well. She moves all the time, but the most distinguishing times are these: when Hyrum talks to her (I know, awww. It makes me tear up all the time. I wish I could kill my hormones.), when we play any sort of music with a beat (she starts jumping and snapping her fingers like she's on a Justin Timberlake video), when I drink Strawberry Creme Frappacinos (come on, it's like pure sugar), and when we study our scriptures (I know, I'm hoping to have a superclosetoJesus baby). She's getting bigger and she's kind of expressing more of her personality in utero. It's kind of cool to feel a close connection with her, but mostly it's cool to see Hyrum and her interact. I know that will get even better when she's born.

I guess I can only hope and pray that he'll be there to see her when she's born.

Hmph.

2008-10-08T12:45:00.002-06:00

My back hurts. And my tailbone. And it hurts to sit down. And it's only 2:45. I have 2 hours and 15 minutes left of absolute nothingness.

MEHHHH.

That's the plan, Stan.

2008-10-06T09:58:00.004-06:00

Whoever came up with the name Stan to add to the end of that overly-used phrase wasn't very creative. Why couldn't they have used Dianne or Nan? Or Spam-in-a-Can? Wow, I just had a glimpse of how easy it would be to have Dr. Suess's job.

Well, I suppose my initial reasoning behind writing this post is to "talk it out". You know, those times when you just have to get everything off of your chest for fear you might become so weighed down that all of a sudden you're five feet four, when last Christmas, you swore you were almost six feet.

The funny thing is, although I feel like I have loads to write, I feel like I have a tad bit of writer's block. To quote an incredibly distasteful, yet remarkably quotable and funny movie, "I'm in a glass case of emotion." I think emotion may even be the wrong word, because I often feel that people misinterpret the word. I'm not sad, or mad, or bad (again, I may just have enough smarts to be the next "Green Eggs and Ham" author), I just want to write. About nothing. About how I hope the Red Sox pull through their division series and make it to the 2008 World Series. I want to write about how I'd love one day to sing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I'd love to sing opera. I've always wanted to write a book, whether it be a best-seller or simply a Christmas gift to my mom and dad, I'd still love to do it. I can't wait for Lily to come. That's what Hyrum and I decided to name our babe - Lily insertmiddlenamehere Durfee. I want to decorate her room and fill it with nonsense items that won't really matter when she comes. I'd love to travel more and not be afraid of planes or the long trip or the fact that I speak little to no Tongan. But wouldn't that be fun? To travel spontaneously and not care about the fact that I have to fix the poorly patched hole in the ceiling where Hyrum fell through last year, or that I have to scrub the grout in my kitchen because it's starting to look dirty? Aren't these trivial concerns? Do they matter? It'd be easy to brush them off and say, "Of course not". But then I'd still think of it whenever I walked into the kitchen.

You know, I love me most of the time. Almost all the time, in fact. I'm very grateful that my Heavenly Father decided to make me obnoxious, loud, and unique. I love that I can't whistle or wink (even though I try every night before I go to bed), but I can scrapbook pretty well. I can't ever beat my husband at anything: sports, games, staring contests, but I can cook him a dinner that he will love and make the yummy food noises over. (You know, "Babe, this is great." "This is sooo good.") I don't like how I can get really prideful sometimes and think that I can do everything on my own and how I alienate people - unintentionally, most of the time. But, I'm grateful for my stake calling where I can visit and love each of the Young Women in the stake and show them how much they mean to us and their Heavenly Father.

I guess my self-realization isn't something new; it's always been brewing around in my head. I think my point in writing some of my thoughts out is to show myself that the plan our Heavenly Father has for us is a plan of happiness. Like Elder Neal Anderson said in this past General Conference, "You may not know everything, but you know enough." I may not (sometimes to my dismay) be good at everything, but I am good at some things. I hope those things offset the things at which I am not so good. Like opening my eyes during prayers. I'm really bad at that. Or karaoke. Surprisingly, I suck at karaoke. I love that I listen to opera music, that I wear whatever I want, that I value an opinion or advice, but I try not to let it make a decision for me.

The moral is ... keep your chin up and remember that the plan that our Heavenly Father has for us was created for us because He loves us. And lucky, lucky me, I decided a long time ago that I wanted to follow my Savior's and my Heavenly Father's directions so that I can ultimately return to live with them again - bringing my sweet husband and our sweet, beautiful, cute, awesome, wonderful, tremendous, amazing, gorgeous, phenomenal, ravishing, and splendid daughter with us.

Families are forever. Our Savior atoned and died for us. We were created in our Heavenly Father's image and He loves us. What more can we ask for?

Back in Black.

2008-10-03T13:55:00.003-06:00

Actually, it's more like back ... in brightly colored, on-sale summer maternity clothes.

I had such grand aspirations to update this blog as soon as I got back, to fill it with adventures and laughs, anecdotes and stories. And then I got tired. And the fatigue hasn't really gone away. I think it's mostly been because Hyrum has had this week off of work, therefore stayed up waaay later (I got that from a Wendy's commercial) than me, resulting in me being super jealous come 6:00 (okay, try 7:00) in the morning when I had to get ready from work. Not to mention that it's been unnaturally cool lately (I love it) and my bed is so soft and so warm and so fresh and so clean clean. Wow, that was a long paragraph of excuses.

Before I update you on our trip, I want to add a quick note of love and prayers for a dear, dear friend. Tiffany, I love you very much and I want you to know that you and your family and your precious daughter are in mine and Hyrum's prayers. Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us and He loves you so much. My heart goes out to you right now, especially being pregnant with a daughter of our own. I love you and wish you the very best.

Excuse me while I wipe away a tear from my eye. The computer screen's a bit blurry at the moment. Okay!

California!

We enjoyed ourselves immensely on this vacay to the West. We saw family, friends, the ocean, Manny Ramirez, and lots and lots of blonde girls. Not a stereotype. We flew in on a Friday night at about 11:30 (try 2:30a North Carolina time) and met up with two of Hyrum's sisters, a brother, his parents, and spouses dispersed among the bunch. It was phenomenal to chat with them, even though when we went to bed, it was about 2:30 in the morning in CA. Yeah, I thought I was going to die.

We spent Saturday in Long Beach with the fam and it was delightful.

Hyrum and I figured that we should take some touristy pictures while we were there, hence, the Queen Mary in the background. Yeah right, like we're going to pay forty bucks each to have someone walk me around a supposedly haunted ship. Number one, I'm easily frightened and these days, I'll probably deck someone who tries to jump out at me and number two, my legs cramp up now when I walk without supportive shoes. I'm turning into a pregnant woman.

Below us are our dear Matt and Amber, who drove all the way from Maricopa, AZ to see us for a couple of days. It was so fun to talk with them, and tease them about their hotel room, even if it was only for a weekend. I miss you guys. We need to move.

John and Wendy, Hyrum's mom and dad, drove out to hang out with us too. We had many intense conversations about politics and really ... everything under the sun. Except the energy crisis. We didn't get to that yet. :) It was so fun to be with them before the baby comes. John even made up a nickname for Lily: Lily Lonka. Like Willy Wonka? Only not.

And then there is our dear Misty. She took us in and fed us delicious food for a couple of nights and let us hang out with her. She's darling. And she took us to Chinatown and got us tickets to the Bonnie Hunt Show! More on that after these messages...

Daisy and Jason aren't in any of these pictures, but I have one of them that is priceless, so I'll share that with you soon. As of now, my eyelids are droopy and my sentences are starting to actually make sense, so I have to nap. I hope you remember how much you love my blog so you'll read it. :)

Love,
Kiera

Gone Baby Gone

2008-09-19T12:03:00.002-06:00

We are leaving for California this evening and I doubt I will post anything while I am gone.

Please don't forget me or my insanely entertaining blog.

Have a nice week!

Kiera

We're having a ...

2008-09-18T11:36:00.001-06:00

...GIRL!!!!!

Success!

2008-09-17T17:00:00.001-06:00

So ... Hyrum called me this afternoon and told me that he was not required to go to this training session of WLC - he can go after he gets back from the deployment!

And I didn't do anything!

Zip a dee doo dahhh ...

Decision

2008-09-17T10:54:00.003-06:00

I've decided to let the Lord work His ways and I will trust in Him and then I will have done my part. Isn't that what the scriptures tell us? "And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive." Doctrine and Covenants 11:14.

My new philosophy: Submit my will to my Heavenly Father's. Hard, but worth it.

Discussion Board / Opinion Panel / Letters to the Editor / I Need Your Help...

2008-09-17T06:53:00.003-06:00

If you didn't understand the title, I'm humbly, in a nonchalant way, asking for your help. Or your opinion, rather. You. The one so engrossed in my blog that you can't focus on the menial tasks of your day. (It's powerful believing that I can will someone into thinking that my life is slightly more important than theirs, when it's really not.)

Let's start at the very beginning (hums "...a very good place to start").

As many of you read, Hyrum received his E-5 (rank of Sergeant) recently. That was a big blessing to us, seeing as I will be leaving my job when I have the baby and this promotion helps the income gap be filled just a little bit. He worked very hard for this jump in rank and we received phone calls from past team leaders and friends wishing their congratulations; again, not just I knew that he was meant for this job.

However, with the title of E-5 comes a two week, one day training course called WLC (Warrior Leaders Course? Wimpy Lobster Cuts? Wobbly Leggy Caucasian? I have no idea what it stands for.) This is standard and is not a surprise in the least for those who achieve this goal. This is where my problem comes in.

Last night, as I stood diligently cooking our gourmet dinner (macaroni and cheese), he received a phone call from his Sergeant, who let Hyrum know that his WLC dates would be October 22nd - November 6th. For many of you, these dates mean nothing. But to me, an overly emotional pregnant woman whose husband is deploying in the time frame of November 22nd to November 29th, it took a minute of time and a momentary drop of the colander full of hot pasta to realize what this meant.

Hyrum and I are very blessed that we have a two week leave together starting the 18th of September in the afternoon and ending on October 6th, essentially. From the time of the end of his leave to the start of his training, that is sixteen days. Then he leaves for a 15-day training. Then, he and I have sixteen days together before he deploys.

A couple of things about WLC: It is held on post. Which is seven minutes away from our house. He cannot come home at nights (that's a bunch of crapola), and his phone calls are limited to whether or not he receives service where he is.

Those few thoughts rushed through my brain very quickly and in a less rational attitude that I should have had, I looked at him and fought back a major water works display.

"So, you're saying that they are going to take you away for two weeks to train during the last month and a half that I have with you before they ship you out for another twelve months?" Hyrum pulled me in to give me a long hug and then it started. "I just ... (sob, sob) ... don't understand ... (sniffle) ... why they do this to us." I just feel like I've been officially ripped off. In this year that he's been home, he has been gone for 3 1/2 out of the 12 months for a training or school of some sort. I've only physically been with Hyrum for 8 1/2 months out of the 27 that we've been married.

As I tried to stifle the sobs and tears and think about this rationally, it was kind of hard to do. It's a little easier today to not get so upset by it and I actually understand that he might have to go. That's where I need some help. I know that this blog has been a big pile of complaining. I know that I might sound extremely selfish and self-absorbed. My situation is this: Should I write someone (anyone in charge) and let them know how unorthodox and unfair it is to take their spouses away right before they deploy again? I just feel like that is causing families more stress in their preparation for the Patriarch of the family to leave. Trying to make the separation a more seamless one is hard if it is constantly being interrupted by another obligation. I want to make sure Hyrum and I get to spend as much time together as possible before the baby is born and we won't have peace and quiet for another eighteen years. Another thing is this: chances are extremely likely that Hyrum won't be home when el babe is born. Does that make a difference? The next time Hyrum sees me, he will also see his four-month-old (give or take) child.

Do I think I'm overreacting? Maybe. A bit. Do I still think it's fair? Absolutely, definitely not. Should I fight for it? I think so. Finding someone who will listen who has sway is harder than it looks, though. I'm not going to up and write a letter to Congress, but I want someone who will take me seriously.

To them, it's two weeks. To me, it's more time away from his family.

Do I value every minute with my husband? I'll give you one guess.

Darn right, I do.

Dewey Color System

2008-09-16T13:23:00.003-06:00

This is interesting. My current job is a little less than rewarding. At http://www.careerpath.com/career-tests/colorcareercounselor.aspx, you can take a "career color" test, where you choose the colors you most like and least like to look at. I was surprised at the result because it was somewhat correct. Now, I understand these are a little subjective, but I was interested at the results. For those of you who know me, which should be all of you - if you don't know me, please don't read my blog, you can attest that these are very correct and true and that I've been through multiple of these majors when I was at BYU. It's something to think about. Maybe do it yourself and see if it's semi-correct!

The Dewey Color System® is the world's first and only validated, color-based personality career testing instrument. Based on our experience and your interests, your best suited occupations are listed below.

Best Occupational Category
You're a CREATOR
Key Words:
Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional
These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.
CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.
CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.
Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.
2nd Best Occupational Category
You're a PERSUADER

Key Words:
Witty, Competitive, Sociable, Talkative, Ambitious, Argumentative, and Aggressive
These enterprising types sell, persuade, and lead others. Positions of leadership, power, and status are usually their ultimate goal. Persuasive people like to take financial and interpersonal risks and to participate in competitive activities. They enjoy working with others inside organizations to accomplish goals and achieve economic success.

I'm sorry. Wait. No, I'm not.

2008-09-16T11:53:00.002-06:00

I realized that I was about to apologize for talking about the baby all the time on my own blog. If you don't want to hear about el babe, don't read it. Well, please read it, it makes me feel important. Actually, I have nothing really to say about the baby today except that I grew overnight. Literally. I ballooned and now it looks like I stuffed a pillow under my dress. But I guess that's good. That's what people keep telling me.

Hyrum and I had a really nice night last night. We had a Family Home Evening of sorts, which, for us, is a) remarkable and b) okay, really, REALLY rare. We're trying to establish a better sitting-at-the-table-for-dinner policy because we watch way too much ESPN. I mean it. The theme song finds its way into my brain at the weirdest times of day. Anyway, we are trying to be more family oriented, instead of acting like roommates, which happens on occasion. We ate dinner (chicken enchiladas), Hyrum and I read and discussed an article in the Ensign about being more sensitive to others' needs (of course it was in the August Ensign because we forgot to renew our subscription), read and discussed a chapter in the scriptures (Mosiah 1), ate brownies, and watched the Cowboys/Eagles came for an activity. We'll work on the watching too much football thing later. It was really refreshing, mostly because I LOVE discussing the gospel and learning new insights. Plus, it was different. And it was nice when Hyrum interrupted my reading and looked at me and asked if we could read the scriptures every day after dinner. It made me feel proud of him. I guess that's the mom in me trying to come out.

That's about all; I suffer from "boringness" right around 2:05p during the week. And I also keep thinking my ultrasound is tomorrow and it's not. It's on Thursday. Boo.

...and I've become cliche.

2008-09-15T08:11:00.003-06:00

I have decided to post some recent pictures of my expanding waistline so that the badgering will stop. :) Just kidding. The badgering is fine. In fact, I'll even update you on how the baby is doing! It's (I can't wait to find out what it is so I can stop referring to it like it's some inanimate object) doing great. Kicking, moving, being traumatized for life, I'm sure. I'm always poking my belly to see if the baby will perform some more, 'cause it's a circus freak now.

I've heard that the 2nd Trimester is the most fun, and I'd have to agree. I mean, really, it's not really a definition of "fun" - I tend to describe things like scrapbooking or softball fun - but it's the best so far. Besides getting large with child, it's neat (did I really say that?) to feel the baby move. Plus, my kid's already a drunk Russian gymnast, bending over in crazy positions like nobody's business. That kid better do something spectacular when it comes out, like win eight Olympic gold medals.

I think I've died.

2008-09-12T13:16:00.003-06:00

I've remained pretty unbiased (or tried to) about what I think the baby's gender is going to be, but let's be real honest here for a second, this is the prettiest little dress I've ever seen. This pictures might disappoint me in a week when I have an ultrasound, but I have to post it on here:

Why did I bother?

2008-09-12T08:50:00.003-06:00

So, momentary frustration, if I may.

Last October and December 2007, I received two speeding tickets. You don't have to say anything, I know and am aware and have since become a much more responsible driver. Moving on to the case in point. I went to an attorney after the first speeding ticket (which mind you, is the first speeding ticket I've gotten in a long while), and paid them $150 and in return, they would go to court, defend my case, and it would be off of my record and the world would have peace once more. Then December hit. December's ticket was a little more irking, seeing as the circumstances were absolutely hair-ripping-out in and of themselves. I went to the same attorney, paid the same amount of money, and went on my merry little way, having been told that things would be taken care of.

It seems that I paid $300 for absolutely nothing.

As this year passed, I received notifications of my upcoming court dates (they changed about 6 times) with the statement at the bottom: YOU MUST BE PRESENT. Well, I didn't WANT to be present, so I called up the attorney again and she said that as long as I signed a waiver for both of the transgressions, I wouldn't have to appear. Well, that's just fine; I thought that's what I was doing in the first place. I signed the waivers - still have copies of them - and again, somewhat hesitantly, thinking that something might just pull me back to this ghetto little office in downtown Fayetteville.

Nearly two weeks ago, I received this on the Department of Transportation letterhead:

Attention Mrs. Hurley (maiden name on drivers license):
Your driving privileges will be suspended as of 10/27/2008 due to failure to show in court for the following citation blah blah blah.

Um, excuse me? Now, I have to be honest, I was KIND OF expecting this. I have a girlfriend of mine who I work with who had the exact same thing happen to her with the same attorney and she received this letter about two weeks prior to mine. However, I was convinced that the attorney would not make the same mistake twice of NOT SHOWING UP IN COURT. Hmm, that's YOUR JOB. That's what you went to law school for, wasn't it? Or, am I mistaken - do they let you practice law down here without schooling and education? Well, if that's the case, I'm moving.

So, I called up the attorney's office once more with an angry and contentious cloud hanging over me, but knowing that you get further in this world if you are nice, decided against the bleeped out expletives (Not that I would ever swear...). I explained the situation and after some confused looks (through the phone, I can tell), she finally told me she'd take care of it.

Yeah bloody right.

I gave it a week. I thought, I will give them the benefit of the doubt for the (one, two, three) FOURTH time. I called there just a moment ago and this was my answer: "Hi, I'm confused and really hungover and slightly stupid." Okay, so not exactly. However, I did not receive a straight answer when I asked a pretty easy question: Is this being taken care of? She mumbled something about shopping for a District Attorney because the actual attorney didn't want me to have to accrue court costs. I'm sorry, what?! I was asking about how you didn't show up at my court date when I paid you an ungodly amount of money to do so! And I, thinking that you would actually do your job, have to pay more costs? I kept interrupting her, "I'm sorry, what?" I expressed concern at the fact that I don't want to lose my license. I mean, I'm sorry to be worried about such a trivial thing, my bad. She said, "Oh, that's not important, we'll take care of it by the date listed on the notification." Oh, well, what a relief. Good thing we have you in this world or else we might actually get things accomplished! Of course I didn't say that.

So, the main concern that I have right now is this - remember that December ticket? I have a court date coming up soon. At which I don't have to appear. I think I'm going to check my luck scale here really soon and see if it's still in the ZILCH section and I actually might call her right before the date to appear and ask her if she's going to show.

Rude? I think not.

"We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same." - Anne Frank

2008-09-11T07:26:00.003-06:00

Today is a great day. No, let's go with phenomenal. Fantastical. Marvelous. It's one of those days when you can hear your own life's background music as you walk down the street and all of a sudden, strangers alike join you in synchronized song and dance and then, BAM - your life has turned into a musical, starring YOU. It's a great day.

What's funny about today is that it's rainy, foggy, and quite chilly outside and it's only 9:30 a.m. Nothing spectacular has happened so far to make this day as great as it is.

But.

I think, like Anne Frank stated above, we discover our own happiness when we realize that we should all have the same objective of being happy. Doesn't that bring the term world peace a little closer to our eyes? When we realize that we all, at least most of us, desire to be happy? I feel like it unifies us just a little bit.

A lot of really great things have happened lately. I was talking to my sister-in-law Amber the other day and we were talking about all the tender mercies that have been happened in the lives of those close to us.

My brother-in-law Joe got engaged to a super cool girl (Hyrum and I haven't met her, but we've heard really great things about her).
Hyrum got his promotion
Matt and Amber were blessed with something that they'd been praying very hard for, for a long time.
Hyrum and I were lying in bed last night and the baby started kicking again. I mean, it does it all the time, but tonight it was a little harder than most and I thought that Hyrum would be able to feel it. So he pressed his hand down on the center of my abdomen and the baby kicked so hard right then. You should have seen his smile that he tried to surpress as he felt, for the first time, as his baby moved and kicked for him!
I have an ultrasound on the 18th to hopefully find out the gender of the baby. That will only happen if the baby, pardon my phrasing, decides to get all porn star on us and shows itself to the "camera". I know, I'm a terrible person.

I'm a firm believer that we can choose how we feel, how we respond to situations. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling blue, sad, or even a little irritated. There is opposition in all things - and even moderation in emotions! Without bitterness we can't know the sweet, right?

In an attempt to illustrate that point, I had a small "canteloupe" moment last night. For those of my devoted readers, I think you know what I mean. It was in no way the monstrosity of that night, but nonetheless, it was a moment. I was upset because I needed to do my laundry and there were clothes in the washer. I laid down in bed at 9:00 and Hyrum looked at me and said, "Did I do something wrong?" I answered, "No, I'm just being weird and I need to wash my clothes." The conversation ensued and without another word, he grabbed my laundry basket and was about to take it in to be washed. He wasn't mad at me, he wasn't annoyed (maybe for a hot minute), but he forgave me and hugged me and let it pass. I was so thrilled that he forgave me so quickly, I changed my attitude and we had a really cool moment as he felt the baby move.

A second instance. There is this commercial on TV for Allstate. You know those ads where they stand in a red circle and describe a situation and say, "I'm there." Well, I could never relate. And I don't cry. That's stupid. But something a good friend (Paula Garner) told me once, "When I was pregnant, I cried during commercials." NEVER would I do such a thing. Well, here it comes, boys and girls. In this commercial, the setting is a quiet hospital room where a woman had just delivered her first baby and the dad was standing there and picks up the baby with fatigue on his face and tears in his eyes and explains (I'm paraphrasing here), "You know that place where you're a new dad with a brand new baby ... I'm there." Like a broken dam, tears leaked out of my eyes. I was astonished. I couldn't believe that I had actually just cried during a commercial.

I know you think I'm this emotional mental case who cries at every opportunity. I swear it's not true. I guess I only share those instances, so it looks like I belong in a padded room. But my point in sharing those moments are that it's okay to feel down, to feel emotions, to express yourself, but ultimately, desiring happiness should be an underlying motive. As frequently quoted as this scripture is, we tend to forget it: "Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy." (2 Nephi 2:25) Now, I'm a firm believer that the word joy in that scripture denotes many things, one of them being the gospel of Jesus Christ - the "good news" of our Savior. I also believe that men ARE, meaning we are here on this Earth as a result of our own choice, to experience joy, happiness, love, and all that is in that. But it's our choice, just like it was our choice to come to Earth, just like it's our choice to wake up each morning. It's in our power.

And just like that, my sermon is over. :)

Finally!

2008-09-04T12:43:00.003-06:00

If there is one thing in this world that my sweet Hyrum deserves (besides a new iPod - I washed his on accident), it is to be promoted to Sergeant in the US Army. He's tried twice prior to today, with poor results and really jerkish guys that fail him. We stayed up late last night and studied (I learned a lot. Did you know that a loaded M5 carbine weighs 7.5 lbs? Neither did I.) and got him ready and he's been so stressed about it. I have too. So, he went in today and I've been calling him periodically to see how he did. He just called me and he was really bummed. He was all, "I'm okay. I didn't pass." My heart sank. He deserves it so much. Then he says, "Naw, just kidding. I passed." I started "woot"-ing in my office and banging the desk and yelling. I had a couple of passerbys wonder what was going on. :) I'm so proud of him! It's such a blessing for him to get this promotion! I'm so happy and proud of him!

Change of heart...

2008-09-03T07:42:00.002-06:00

As many of you know, for some time I've struggled with the concept of having a baby. I've struggled with this ridiculously easy pregnancy (knock on wood - I realize I'm very blessed), I've struggled with Hyrum being gone when the baby is born, I've struggled on every end of the spectrum. Just recently during our trip to Indiana, I realized how ridiculously excited I am for this baby to come. Granted - I could skip the actual labor thing. And I still might. I'm working with a witch doctor to straighten that out. However, I'm so happy about the chance that I'll have to hold this baby - this product of my wonderful spouse and me. I'm grateful that I do have a responsible husband and one who is equally (if not more) excited about being a dad. I love his reactions to the baby moving, his unexpected smiles when he thinks about his little bambino. I'm just so blessed in my life. You know, bad things happen. Sad things happen. But the gospel, our Savior, our families, and our faith and endurance help us deal with those things and bring it into a perspective that helps our non-celestial eyes see a little clearer. I'm excited to be a mom. Moreover, I'm excited about having a child. A son or daughter to call our very own, who has his or her little quirks (that they got from me), and who I hope will develop into a righteous daughter or son of their Heavenly Father. On Sunday, in the Indy 2nd Ward in Indianapolis, we discussed in Sunday School the 2,000 stripling warriors and their mothers. I felt the spirit so strongly. Many women AND men were discussing the impact that these women, or all women as mothers for that matter, have. I raised my hand and brought up the thought that there are many women out there, many young women, many youth, who do not understand what it's like to have a child who they've raised in righteousness, but from that moment, they can use the example of those women as a goal as the type of mothers they'd like to be. Are we doing our best to teach our children to follow their Savior? Are we teaching them the true meaning of sacrifice? Are we loving and pushing them to be their very best and expecting the very best from them? Even those of us who don't have children yet or who are slowly but surely getting fatter due to the baby, we can make a promise to teach them so that when they are tempted, tried, fought against, hated, persecuted, battered and scarred, they can repeat the scripture: "...they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it." They "...did remember the words which they said unto me that their mothers had taught them." I found it quite enlightening this weekend as I thought about those words. It's my choice. It's up to me. How will I react?

...and this is what I do during my spare time.

2008-09-02T09:00:00.003-06:00

4 random things I like about my husband:

1. He drives the longest when we go on road trips.
2. He can go from listening to "pop-your-colla"-aviator-sunglass-wearing-windows-rolled-down-bass-turned-on-high-rollin'-in-the-caddy music to my EFY CDs to Simon and Garfunkle in the course of an hour.
3. He loves Indiana almost more than I do.
4. He loves my food and blames his weight gain on it.

4 movies that I would watch more than once:

1. Harry Potter (the 3rd movie and beyond)
2. Dan in Real Life
3. The old James Bond series
4. The very few movies out there that give me a very deep, needed cry. I can't even think of their names.

4 TV shows that I watch:

1. The Office
2. Gilmore Girls (even the re-runs are phenomenal)
3. Lost (which I'm beginning to hate but I can't stop watching it)
4. American Idol (when it's on)

4 places that I have been:

1. Tijuana, Mexico
2. Hilton Head Island, SC
3. Manhattan, NY
4. Duluth, MN

4 people who e-mail me regularly:

1. My boss x 3 (I have three bosses)
2. Stake YW presidency
3. My mother
4. A co-worker who has literally sent me every e-mail forward you have ever seen.

4 favorite foods:

1. Miyabi Japanese Steakhouse
2. Donato's Pizza (any pizza for that matter)
3. Regular (not light) Yoplait yogurt with granola
4. Chips with queso dip

4 places that I would like to visit:

1. TONGA.
2. New Hampshire/New York in the Fall
3. Argentina
4. Australia/New Zealand

4 things that I am looking forward to by the end of next year:

1. Having a baby!
2. Hyrum coming home from his last deployment EVER.
3. Not having a job for the first time in my life.
4. Honing my talents and turning into Martha Stewart.

4 things that I miss:

1. My family - both Hyrum's and mine
2. BYU/going to school
3. Fall Weather
4. Singing

I could make up questions for this and keep it going FOREVER. But I won't. I'm also not going to tag anyone. You can choose to do it if you'd like. Agency is a special gift. :)

Kiera

Tick Tock

2008-08-27T14:42:00.002-06:00

Longest day of work evvveerrrrr...Probably has something to do with the fact that I'M NOT COMING IN TOMORROW!

California Here We Come, Right Back Where We Started From...

2008-08-26T09:43:00.003-06:00

Can you believe how much plane tickets are?! We bought extremely cheap tickets to California - the grand total was $590. And there goes little nameless baby's college tuition. We are going to visit some of Hyrum's family in California for about a week before Hyrum deploys. We want to visit his whole family, but they are spread out in Arizona, California, Idaho, Utah, and Arkansas, so I don't think we'll be able to visit all of them. We are looking forward to this trip, though. It will be nice to finally get out of Fayetteville for more than a day. And I love Hyrum's family. They are so fun. We were really debating this trip, though, because we are trying to save money and the ticket expense was just ridiculous, but we found some pretty cheap tickets (to fly across country), so we decided to take it. I hope that Hyrum and I are able to spend some quality alone time sometime in the future. With this new stake calling and his YM's calling, it takes up a lot of our time that we can spend together. But, I'm grateful that he's home.

We are also taking a little impromptu trip up to Indiana this weekend. I'm excited. We're leaving Thursday-ish and getting there Friday-ish. I miss my family, so I'll be happy to see them. And I don't know whether I'll be able to see them again before the baby is born. My mom is making a quilt for the kid and I'm so happy even though she doesn't grasp the concept that I wanted my quilt first. I'm extremely selfish and she only loves her first grandbaby, not her actual daughter.

I've been getting more excited about the baby every day. Minus the expenses, minus the fact that we didn't qualify for WIC, minus the fact that Hyrum won't be there, I'm still getting more excited. The little gymnast has been moving around a lot lately and I have to tell you, there's some extreme satisfaction in the fact that I feel her/him/it move. It feels like she's (for the sake of not naming every pronoun that it could be, I'll just refer to it as a she and then edit this post when I find out the actual gender) karate chopping me in the womb. I like it. It makes me smile.

Well, I'm off to lunch. I've been so hungry today and I couldn't tell you why. This baby's going to come out ravenous and the size of Montana.

Peace out, my friends.

Personally speaking...

2008-08-25T13:47:00.002-06:00

This is a rather self-reflecting post. It delves into my personal life a little bit and for those devoted readers out there, all three of you, I hope you don't mind.

Hyrum came home on Thursday of last week. He's been gone for about a month. He came home really early in the morning and it was cute, he came and sat on my side of the bed while I was sleeping and woke me up. Usually when he's gone for a while, and he comes home, we can adjust pretty quickly to him being home. For some reason, this time was a little bit harder. We spent a lot of the first few days getting defensive and, at least on my part, very easily irritated. It all boiled down to last night. I understand that a lot of the reasons why I am getting annoyed are because I am pregnant - it's still not fair for him, though. So, the other day I bought a cantaloupe. I know, random. Well, I wanted cantaloupe because ... I did. I cut it up and there was a lot of it! I told Hyrum he could have some and I was really excited about this cantaloupe. Well, as you can probably tell, there was a glitch in me getting to my cantaloupe. I came home late last night from lots of meetings and I went into the refrigerator and it wasn't there. Confused, and I believe the phrase, "He couldn't have" ran through my head, I asked Hyrum what happened to the cantaloupe. "I ate ... it all ..."

What? No, really. He did. All of it. A whole cantaloupe. In one sitting. My cantaloupe. Not his. I was so sad that I walked out of the room completely dejected. I went into the kitchen. I started throwing stuff around (gently) because I was so upset. Why? The cantaloupe. Good reason? No. I unloaded the dishwasher and I saw my brand new very nice knife in the dishwasher. Not supposed to be washed. THEN IT SNOWBALLED. I started crying and getting mad at the floor for being slightly uneven and getting mad at the fact that I couldn't wash a pizza stone in the dishwasher. I finished the kitchen and laid down in bed. I started silently crying but my oh-so-wise husband could tell that something was wrong.

"What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
Pause.
"Kiera, what's wrong?"
Pause.
"You ate my cantaloupe." Insert breathing here when you cry and you can't breathe in regularly. I can't even write it out.
"I know, I'm sorry."
"It's okay." NOT.

I sat up and tried to figure out out loud a reason why I was so upset about all of this and I couldn't figure it out so I laid back down and wept silently some more.

"I'll be right back." Hyrum, not me.
"Great, now you're leaving me."

I laid there weeping. Literally. I don't think there's another word for it. I wasn't quite crying but tears were seeping out of my eyes. He came back and laid down with me with my iPod and asked me if we could listen to music for a while. Sure, it didn't matter. We both grabbed an ear phone and laid down. Mr. DJ chose the song.

"Woahhhh, For the Longest Time, Woahh, For the Longest Time..."

Just as a background, Billy Joel is the man. He is my FAVE and he always has the words for everything and I had just told Hyrum the other day that this song was a personal favorite - my VERY favorite song of all time. Billy Joel just has the words for everything. So, the song came on and all of a sudden, I knew what was wrong. I pulled into Hyrum and my face screwed up into the "I'm about to sob" face and I let it loose. I mean, Niagara Falls has nothing on me. I cried harder than I nearly ever have and I sobbed into Hyrum and he held me and asked me what was wrong.

"I don't want you to leave."

Even now I'm tearing up. I realized all of the frustration, the irritation, the annoyance was all because of some super psychological reason and I didn't want Hyrum to deploy again.

"I can't do this without you."

All of a sudden, the wall broke and I admitted that I am scared to have this baby without him. He let me cry and held me as we listened to Billy Joel sing about our situation.

Once I thought my innocence was gone
Now I know that happiness goes on
That's when you found me, when you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time

I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall
And the greatest miracle of all
Is how I need you, and how you needed me too
That hasn't happened in the longest time

We sat there and Hyrum went through a bunch of songs that all of a sudden meant everything in the world to us and had everything to do with our situation. We laid there in the dark holding each other listening to these words written for situations like this and I realized that I have the best husband. Ever. Hands down. We're not perfect, but he's way closer than me and he knows me better than myself. We closed our DJ session by listening to "Your Guardian Angel" by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

When I see your smile,
Tears roll down my face.
I can't replace.
And now that I'm stronger, I have figured out,
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.
And I know I'll find deep inside me,
I can be the one.

I will never let you fall. (let you fall.)
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all. (through it all.)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

It's okay, It's okay, It's okay.

Seasons are changing,
And waves are crashing,
And stars are falling all for us.
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

'Cause you're my, you're my,
My true love, my whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
'Cause I'm here... for you!
Please don't walk away and,
Please tell me you'll stay...

I know this is incredibly cheesy, but I just wanted to share, more for myself, but so you know that everything can be remedied with a few Billy Joel lyrics. :)

Kiera

I'm at a loss for words.

2008-08-07T09:47:00.003-06:00

Oddly enough, I've really nothing to say today, or yesterday, or the day before that. I made key lime bars yesterday and it made me happy. I was called as the secretary in the stake Young Women's Presidency. I'm singing a solo in church on Sunday. Thaaat's about it. :)

Stay classy, San Diego.

My Ode to Autumn

2008-08-01T08:21:00.003-06:00

Officially, in my capacity as world's greatest autumn lover, I am announcing the first day of August - not necessarily autumn quite yet, but close! As Tom Hank's character Joe Fox states in "You've Got Mail", "Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address". Well, I'm in North Carolina and if I do say so, it is equally to more beautiful down here, especially with the forests and rolling hills. I love Fall! I love it when the leaves start to turn and they fall on your driveway and become irresistibly crunchy - you just have to step on them! I love soccer season. When I was a kid, I would love to play soccer as the light would diminish and the weather would begin to chill, but the warmth of playing and the combination of cool wind and earlier nights burned my throat and lungs but granted a cheery red glow to my cheeks. I love the chance to wear shorts but throw on an old sweatshirt over them because it's just chilly enough out. I love driving through the hills in a last Autumn rainstorm. The leaves are magnificent hues of gold, orange, red, yellow and they swirl down on your car in wet rhythm as if they're proclaiming their last hurrah of the year, or the third act in their lives. Leaves are mighty dramatic, they are. I love Halloween, not necessarily for the candy and costumes, just the time of year! I love bonfires. Every year growing up, my bishop and his family would host a ward bonfire, complete with food, desserts, s'mores, trampoline jumping, and ziplines. It would get so cold, but having your whole family and friends around was the best part of all. I love school supplies. I love browsing target and smelling the fresh notebooks and pencils. I loved the beginning of school - it was like a new start. A vow to do well that I honestly never lived up to. I love the harvest moons, rich and deep hues, near purple, brightening up a dark sky. We're blessed/cursed here in North Carolina because the leaves don't begin to change until October/November, sometimes December. But I love Thanksgiving - that is the greatest holiday. Being with family and eating until you can't eat anymore and expressing gratitude for everything. But I love me some Thanksgiving morning Football! Cold and crisp outside, it's ridiculously chilling to actually stand outside, but you have to! Unfortunately, because of this misshapen football inside of me, playing might be a little harder this year. I love curling up in a fleece blanket and standing on the porch in the fall. It's such a beautiful sight. Here's to Autumn.

"Autumn, the year’s last, loveliest smile."

Center for Entrepreneurship Flashback

2008-07-30T18:16:00.010-06:00

Oh my, I found these pictures yesterday and I had to scan them in, so that's why they are fuzzy, but I'll tell you what - these were some of the greatest times of my college career! I miss it so much. We had so many good times in this group of kids. This was right before I went on my mission. We had to take a group photo with these cool cats.

From Left to Right top row:
Linda (the best away-from-home-Mom anyone could ask for), Dani Haines (NOT WATSON), Kiera, Melinda (she and her Josh Groban obsession), Jen Singer (the original Bostonian), From Left to Right bottom row: Cameron (he got married to the cutest girl!), ALLYSA (Aloha Fridays), and Ian Gutzman (he hated hugs and once he asked me on a date when I was married - kind of).

To the right was a Halloween party after I had been working there for a couple of months. We always dressed up for Halloween and we always had the best office parties. We have so many great memories together. Above to the right (L to R) we have Bryan Beckman (the movie guy), Ami and Joel Frost (Comedians Extraordinaire), Kiera (mistress of the dark), Melinda (pioneer - she made her own dress!), and Allysa (Disco Queen). We're also missing so many people, like Ilene (Japanese-mission-goer), Jenny Paulson (the cutest TA ever), and so many more!

I love this office. Everything from Don Livingstone being so incredibly disorganized to decorating the office for holidays and birthdays to Linda ALWAYS having free stuff to give out, to office staff meetings, to FOUNDERS CONFERENCE! Spending time with everyone at the office is like spending time with your family. It gets so hectic and crazy, especially during competition season (BPC, ACE) but it is TOTALLY worth it after conference having your feet hurt so bad but you know you just accomplished a monstrosity of a task. Anyway, I dedicate this post to those who have worked, who are working, or who will work at the Center for Entrepreneurship one day. It's a great place to be.

Allysa and Kiera - like we usually are.

Dani, Allysa, Kiera, Jen

And last but not least, the best picture of all:
Linda, Dani, Kiera, Melinda, Jen, Cameron, Allysa, and Ian

I'm so ridiculous.

2008-07-28T14:49:00.002-06:00

I was trying to entertain myself the day after Hyrum left. For some reason, I thought it was funny to slip on my sweatshirt onto my legs. Yep, I'm a winner.

You've Been Tagged! (Okay, not really - I'm just insanely jealous of all the people who HAVE been tagged ... so I lied.)

2008-07-24T08:24:00.005-06:00

Since I DID lie - I get to tag myself about anything I want. I'm going to go with 8 random things on this one. What a better way to talk about myself, in random increments, and basically, to myself.

1. When I'm driving and I'm bored (on the way to and back from Indiana ... or the grocery store), I bite down on my teeth whenever we drive past a line on the road or a crack in the asphalt. Isn't that weird? Please still be my friend. (For example: see picture to right.)

2. I love golfing, but that's not the random fact. When Hyrum and I go and I hit a drive further than Hyrum, I secretly think that I could beat Tiger Woods in a game of golf. And then everyone will cheer for me. And then I could win 13 Masters trophies. And then I can be world famous and be on Nike and Tag Heuer and Gillette commercials. And then I hit the next shot really crappy into the pond and my dreams are drowned forever.

3. Sometimes I pretend I'm in a big Broadway musical when I'm alone in my house. Well, I do a lot of stuff when I'm alone. I talk to myself, quite frequently. I cheer really loudly for the Colts, the Red Sox, and the Celtics. I encourage my tomato plant to grow tomatoes instead of just sitting there. I Pledge my wooden floor, put on slipper socks, and slide across it until I fall. I move my furniture around every three weeks. All that could be incriminating and embarrassing evidence if I cared. I'm not going to change it. I have a date with my wooden floor soon.

4. I ask a lot of questions that are a) meaningless and b) long-winded, so after the question is asked, it doesn't make any sense. Here's a ditty: Who decided that they were the people to make the alphabet the actual alphabet? Why did they then decide that by putting letters together, they would make words - and really, words don't mean anything because they're just letters put together that are all really just made up symbols for absolutely nothing. So, why do we follow what "some people who thought they were the bomb.com" said a long time ago?

I'm just saying.

5. I hate it when people come into my office when I'm on the phone. Or when they don't have an appointment. I'm talking, let's get our gloves and heavyweight belts out because I'm ready to rumble. I find it extremely rude when I'm having a conversation on the phone and someone feels the need to open a closed door (1st sign that I'm having a private conversation), sits down in my chairs that I've pulled up to the edge of my desk so they look cold and uninviting (2nd), and then sits there and stares at me until I feel so uncomfortable that I have to end the conversation that I'm having to accommodate their needs, because obviously they are more important than anything I could be doing right now. So, I get off the phone and give them a withering stare, which is often misinterpreted as a squint, so I really don't get any satisfaction from it whatsoever.

6. Browsing the clearance racks at Kohl's and Target are cravings that I get. I absolutely love to sift through their nonsense items to see if I need anything that could possibly enlighten my life for $1.60. And oh, you have no idea the treasures that I've found. It's like that day when I was a kid and my mom brought home a new kind of snack for field trip day, or Strawberry-Kiwi Capri Suns, I went crazy for weeks! I get the same feeling from the clearance racks. I was also a slightly deprived child ...

7. I use my hands when I talk but the interesting part is that when I sit on my hands, I can't form a complete sentence and I get nervous and self-conscious (which never happens). It's because I'm Expressive-Dominant, thank you very much Aspen Grove, and I often don't make a drip of sense or finish my sentences, but I always

(get it? get it? get it?)

8. Lastly, I have this obsession with numbers. I hate math, mostly because I fail the tests because I "don't apply myself" (report cards over the years have scarred me), but I love numbers. Whenever I hear numbers that could be a possible equation, for example: $2.75/hour equals how much over the course of five years? I have to solve it. Even if it requires me to pull out my little calculator on my phone and solve it for no apparent reason other than just to know. Sometimes I'll spend so much time on tangents of the equation that I forget what I wanted to know in the first place. I'm telling you, I'm weird.

Okay, well, that's about it. I could write so much more about myself, but judging from the content, I'm sure you're either sleeping or deleting me from your blog list right at this darn moment.

I tag President Thomas S. Monson, Red Skelton, and the two guys who do those Wii commercials.

Snickerdoodlawesome.

2008-07-23T08:17:00.004-06:00

Hyrum and I made snickerdoodles last night and they are fan-freaking-tastic. They satisfy the sweet tooth that I've had for the last two months.

The Dark Knight.

2008-07-22T13:17:00.003-06:00

Maybe this post refers to Batman, maybe it doesn't. It's been super apparent in the ups and downs of this Six Flags ride we call life that we all each struggle with who we are and whether the things that we do, the activities in which we participate, the friends that we choose help or drag us down. Hyrum and I went to see The Dark Knight on Friday and were very impressed by the movie. Cinematographically speaking (that's not a word), the movie was incredible. For those who hate "movie-ruiners", I won't indulge as much as I could, but I will say that there is a distinct feeling in that movie of choosing the right, even if it's not the most popular choice. It's a great movie. Not exactly uplifting, but surreal and semi-psychotic, if you're into that sort of thing. :)

It's been a couple of ... okay, a while since I've written a post with any meaning whatsoever. Obviously, unless you just don't understand what "I'm going to have a baby" means, you, my grand crowd of ... seven know that I'm currently with child, impregnated, have a bambino in my womb, or just plain knocked up - whatever your choice phrase is. Hyrum and I found out about two months ago at 3:00 in the morning (don't ask). Hyrum then left for a three-week training at 5:00 in the morning and subsequently forgot that I was, er, am pregnant. (Yeah, I know.) He got to come home halfway through and I was telling him how I went to the doctor and that I'm due on February 3rd (Winter babies have no fun - I know, I WAS one) and he goes, "What? Oh yeah, I forgot!" You forget the Spanish word for pencil sharpener, you forget to pick up something at the store, you forget a lot of things, but I didn't know that forgetting that your wife was expecting your first child was something on that list! I had a laugh after I got over being offended. .

Being pregnant is not as glamorous as I would've expected. I don't know what I thought it was going to be like, but I figured growing a human being inside your womb wouldn't cause such drastic results like have chronic chronic chronic chronic chronic chronic fatigue or my irritable spells (My friend list has diminished to about 3 1/2). I've also had a pretty hard time comprehending the fact that a baby is going to squeeze itself through ... and scene. Most of all, this is something that's going to try my faith and my sanity because (ready?) Hyrum's deploying in November for a year. (Okay, let's hear it ... awwwwww.) No, I don't feel bad, it's what we signed up for. I've been through one, I can get through another. I learned a lot last time and I hope to put into practice what was learned. With a kid. But I have an incredible family on both sides and they've been incredibly supportive and I'm super excited because my sister and brother-in-law Daisy and Jason Lhamon are expecting a baby just a few weeks ahead of us. So Ja-Z's baby and our kid will be the same age, so Durfalurf Jr. will have ONE friend. Yippee!

Hyrum and I were able to go to the pregnant lady doctor (as opposed to the pregnant man doctor?) on Thursday of last week where I had my 11 1/2 week check-up. Number one, the nurse practitioner (la dee da) didn't look at me for the first six minutes when she came in, not until I told her I'd been treated for Hepatitis A, B, and C, and Tuberculosis. (Long story - I haven't.) Number two, she was the size of my pinkie. Number three, we got to hear the kid's heartbeat. Hyrum freaked out because it was so fast, it was like a baby on speed. This kid's going to come out already stressed, just like it's mom. I started calling it Dash (from The Incredibles?) because chances are it's going to run out of the ... yeah ... because it's so wired.

Hyrum is leaving for a month this Thursday. He's going to Louisiana (Fort Polk - sounds just dandy) to train for his upcoming deployment. Neither one of us are looking forward to it. That's all I have to say about that.

My sister Laura got baptized this past Sunday. It was the first Hurley baptism I missed, but we just couldn't get up there - it was near impossible. I asked Laura if she was excited to get baptized and she said, "Yeah!" I asked her if she was sad that I wasn't coming and her answer was a little less enthusiastic. "Yeeeaaahhhh ... will you send me money?" Uhh, no. Thanks, try again.

Well, I think that's about it. I've very much enjoyed my time writing this out. I'd say that I'll try harder to write more often, but I probably won't.

Peace, love, and temple marriage, Kiera

So, yeah ...

2008-07-07T12:00:00.000-06:00

I'm, uh, having a baby.

Aaron and Emily Hurley's Wedding

2008-06-19T12:45:00.004-06:00

Here's some useful information. These pictures are from Aaron and Emily's wedding in May. I'm delayed in the head a little, so it's taken me some time to get these on here. We had a grand ol' time.

I'M SO TIRED.

2008-06-19T06:55:00.003-06:00

My sweet little husband in his thoughtfulness and care called me at 2:00 this morning. YEAH, I KNOW. I was like, "Hmmph, hulllo?" "Hi, did I wake you up?" "(long pause) ... No, I was just baking some cookies ..." But that's okay. He comes home tomorrow and I'm excited about it because I like him around. Like most people like their spouses around. Yeahhh. I'm craving chocolate which is weird, because I don't like chocolate. Man, I am a wealth of useless knowledge. And that's all I've got for you today, folks.

This is for Courtney.

2008-06-17T13:08:00.002-06:00

Not because it has anything to do with her, just mostly because she told me last night to get my butt in gear ... and it has been about 3 months since I last updated. Well, currently, Hyrum is gone (I know - do you hear the resounding groan of AGAIN?) and I am working getting ready for Girls' Camp and a Constitutional Commemoration that our ward puts on each year. Oh my spaghetti, this year, it's going to blow you out of the water! I have a great Activities Committee (it took me five minutes, six tries, and spellcheck to get that word right) with great examples and who have great initiative and ideas that help me make this activity a success. Hyrum will be coming home this Friday, hurrah for Israel! Seriously, I love it when he's home because theeeen the mess isn't all mine. HA. No, but seriously. I've just been so tired lately! It's been kind of rough. I threw a surprise birthday party for a 17-year-old on Friday. Oh my lands, what sort of energy I used to have was multiplied by like 25! They all wanted to play truth or dare and go steal garden gnomes. Crazy kids. I was like, okay, it's 10:00. Time to go home. And the evil bed Nazi wins again! I am excited, because two of my sisters are coming to visit in a week and a half and they will be coming for Girls' Camp. It will be a bit of a culture shock for them, but that's okay, ya'll just have to accept that when you move to North Carolina, you stop forming grammatically correct sentences. I tried to fight it and lost. So the big news is lately that my water heater pipe burst underneath my house! YAY! Gaaaaallons and gaaaaalllons of hot water just spewing out from underneath my crawlspace. That just made my day and my checkbook. Can you imagine my next water bill? Ridiculous. Well, I'm at work and I'm supposed to be working, so I'll start working, or at least I'll work on it. Peace out homeslices, hope life's good on your end of the world.

K

Discouragement

2008-03-27T14:07:00.002-06:00

I'M DISCOURAGED TODAY. Why? Not sure.

American Idolicious.

2008-03-26T11:32:00.006-06:00

So, I'm in L-O-V-E with the contestants this year. I don't watch a lot of TV. I honestly don't have a lot of time, but I have just found myself absolutely devoted to this season! I lovelovelovelovelove David Archuleta and David Cook. I mean, seriously, adore with absolute infatuation. They have phenomenal voices and they are star quality, whatever that means. But I love it.

Hyrum's book.

2008-03-25T11:30:00.002-06:00

So, Hyrum has a book for me. Well, it's more about me than it is FOR me. He writes the silly, funny, quirky, or nonsense things that I say in the book. It's more in his head than on paper, with the few exceptions - the scattered notes, post-its, and torn tithing slips with memos on it. :) Here are some samplings:

Today at lunch I wasn't pleased with what was ordered for me, so I asked for it made differently. He looked at me and said, "You are SO picky! It's so hard to cook for you!" In defending myself, I said, "I'm not picky, I just want things a certain way!" Well, I'll never live that down.

Another great one is this one. We're trying to save on our heating bill, so the house is a bit ... chilly. Well, he asked me to come sit by him on the couch and I wouldn't move and for some reason, the cold affected my grammar and I said, "I so cold! I so cold!" Yes, I'm graduating from kindergarten next week.

One time when we were driving up to Provo from St. George, I told him I'd drive the whole way. Well, we forgot our MP3 player in NC and the radio kept going in and out and the sun was super warm and I was about to fall asleep. So, I woke him up and he asked me why, and seriously, in THE most whiny voice EVER, I fussed, "The sun is beating down on me and there's no upbeat music on the raaaadioooooo." He never, ever lets me forget that one.

As I'm reading these, I realized that they're more funny for us than they are for any one else, but that's the blessing of being married and having an awesome dude for a husband. :)

2 years ago today...

2008-03-20T12:04:00.005-06:00

I can't figure out how to make the picture on the side of my blog fit. :( We look squished. So, today. Wow, today. What a day. That was not a poem. Two years ago today, I came home from my mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and met my sweet husband on the plane ride home from the MTC. For those of you who don't know - I was called to serve in the Costa Rica San Jose mission. I went to the MTC on January 25th, 2006, a day before my 21st birthday. I had the best district and the best branch in the whole MTC. My companion was so much fun and the other Hermanas were so fun and beautiful and so enjoyable to be with. I was particularly close to some of the Elders. One's name was Elder Alex Reese and he was such a fabulous missionary. Another was Elder Dan Ashbocker and Elder Kyle Daniels. I loved those Elders. Well, I loved them all. Well, I went through the MTC as usual, having fun, learning Spanish, and learning how to teach the gospel. It was fantastic. Hard, but awesome. Then, about seven weeks in, my back started hurting in class one day. My companion and I shrugged it off because we thought it was funny and we didn't want to have to escape again to the hospital that week (she had already been once). Well, it got worse and while we were making fun of it, we decided to go see what needed to be done. So, we went to the front desk and they told me to go see a doctor. We were laughing and thought it was funny. But they made an appt. the next day to go to the doctor's office. So, the next day we went and they told me I needed to go see the chiropractor. Well, that's fine, but it was going to throw things off. So, I went by myself (with an older lady as my companion) to Spanish Fork to see a chiropractor. Well, that was hard because, seeing as we were in Provo, we drove by my old apartment complex, I saw my friend's sister. It was just weird. So, anyway, I went to the chiropractor and felt better. I went back to see him once more. The day after the last visit, I woke up feeling a little bit weird. I didn't know why. About halfway through the day, I was walking down the hallway and my back sort of went out on me and I fell and grabbed onto the wall for support. I started crying. The elders saw me and I asked them all for a blessing. Imagine having 4 stalwart elders give you a blessing. I think it was Elder Ashbocker. Anyway, I went down to "sick bay"(I know) and they sat there and gave me tons of medication that made me feel high when I took it. I slept all day. I was escorted back to my room and it was the same thing the next day. I slept in my room all day because of the medication. I tried going to dinner once and it didn't work very well. Everyone was so supportive of me hurting and they were all concerned. It was a nice feeling. So, at some point, I met with President Millett, my branch president, and he said to me that there was a possibility that I would have to go home. I cried because I never even thought of it as an option. So, I started thinking about it and praying about it and I all of a sudden felt this overwhelming peace and I knew I was supposed to go home from my mission. I spoke with one of the MTC presidents and they called my stake president and my dad and I talked to them about how I knew I had to go home from my mission. I felt it. My stake president felt it too. He knew I was supposed to come home. I cried to my dad for a second. Then the MTC president asked me to wait a couple of minutes and he would make the travel arrangements. He said I would be leaving later that day. LATER THAT DAY?! I remember I was with sweet Hermana Sarah Lott and she and I were both crying and I just couldn't imagine having to leave so soon. Leave my family, basically. I was told to start preparing to go home. Then, the president told me my flight would be leaving on Monday. I had two whole days left that I could spend with my district. But as soon as I found out, I had to go tell my branch. What a heart-wrenching experience. Having to tell people you love and spent every second of the day with that you had to go home. But I knew it. I knew that I had to do it. I felt no sadness in leaving, only leaving those wonderful people behind. I walked into my classroom and looked at the Elders and Sisters there and my awesome teacher and I told them I was leaving and I cried. They cried. We all cried. They are such awesome people. I told another class that I was leaving because I was super close with them and they cried too. It was terrible. So, we went through the weekend and I said goodbye to all of my sweet friends and packed my stuff and got ready to leave on Monday, March 20th, 2006. I had to meet out at the front at 5:30a. I went to the ER that night. I couldn't feel my body. But anyway, I walked out of my building and all the Elders were sitting there in their pajamas, singing to me "God Be With You 'Till We Meet Again" and "Abide With Me, 'Tis Eventide". They walked me to the front and I said goodbye and they all waved at me as I got into the car and was driven up to Salt Lake. Such a long drive, such a sad drive. But I knew I had to do it. I got to the airport, checked in, sat down in my terminal and waited for the time to come to go home. I got on the plane and walked back to my seat, noticed that I was sitting next to a very handsome man. I wasn't going to talk to him, I just wasn't in the mood. So, I sat and waited for the plane to take off. He turns to me and asks me if I want to use his blanket. It was quite cold. I declined, but thought it was interesting he would ask me. He turned to me again, and asked and as I turned, my name tag fell out from underneath my scarf. He said, "I wore one of those once." I got so excited and we started talking about missions and ourselves and we talked for the whole five hour plane ride about anything you can imagine. He told me his name was Hyrum, he was in the military and would be deploying to Iraq soon. Well, as soon as he said military, I thought, no way, this is not the guy for me. But we continued talking and we became very close friends in that short time period. About halfway through the conversation, he began to wring his hands together and became very nervous. I looked at him and inquired as to what the matter was and he looked at me, with sincere eyes, and said, "I haven't done this in a while." I slipped my arm in his (I KNOW) and said, "It's okay, it's just me." (IT'S JUST ME? I've known you for two hours!!!) He looked at me and said, "Well, I'm just trying to figure out how to ask a sister missionary for her phone number." He says that I practically handed him a copy of it already written down and said, "I was wondering when you were going to ask me that". (He lies.) We continued talking and it was so fun, took my mind off of my back, and made a great friend. We separated at the O'hare airport in Chicago and he walked me to my terminal. He sat looking at me with his deep blue eyes and I was getting so nervous. All of a sudden, I heard the attendant call the last boarding call for Indianapolis. I had been sitting there for about 40 minutes and hadn't even heard any calls for anything. So, I jumped up and said, "I have to go!" He looked at me and said, "Screw it, I have to give you this." And he gave me a hug. It was awkward on my end; I hadn't hugged a man in about two months! Wow. So, I jumped on my plane, he almost missed his, too. I flew home to Indiana, was released as a sister missionary, and he called me that night. We talked for a month and a week, every day on the phone. Then, he came up to Indiana and we went on our first date and got engaged that night when he knelt by the White River in downtown Indianapolis (cool spot). We got married on June 6th, 2006 and have survived a 15-month deployment, three moves, and lots of struggles and joys. We will be married for two years this June and I cannot believe that it has been so long. But on days like today, I think about how much I loved being a missionary and how much it hurt to leave those days. It's sad to think that I could've been one of those sisters getting back six months ago or one of those Elders, getting back just recently. It hurts my heart sometimes but I know that I was very blessed with a loving, righteous man in my life. He is fantastic. Phenomenal. He is my best friend. And I know this has been a wicked cheesy post, but it's amazing the way Heavenly Father works, huh.

Have a good day, love!

2008-03-18T13:29:00.000-06:00

So, this woman called me on the phone today and called me "love" right around 5 times. That makes a girl feel good. So, then I was laughing and told my boss about it and he thought he was being funny when he said this, but he said, "That's great, love." Wellll, it was slightly awkward and the joke didn't exactly go off as funny as he had planned. So, I gave him a courtesy laugh and walked away from the incredibly awkward situation. So, my other boss today has been giving me a hard time about leaving. He keeps saying I should stay there and just work different hours and I just keep thinking that I could but I have to go to school! I have to get it done. I just feel so torn and stressed. Seriously, I feel like I'm falling apart. And this woman with lime green shoes just walked by my office. That made me laugh. Anyway, I need to get back to work where I'm not doing anything. Yeahhh....

Coats of Armor.

2008-03-14T08:34:00.000-06:00

So, today I did something sad and beneficial to me at the same time: I told my bosses that I'm going to school full-time and that I will be leaving Brock Cabinets. I AM going to school, I just don't know which I will get accepted into or if I'll get accepted at all. I will miss being here, though. I guess I didn't realize how much I love my job. Oh well. Things always have to change, though, right? I'm just scared of it. I think I'm just scared of the fact that I have to follow-through on something so important for the first time in my life. I can't wimp out and get scared and come crawling back to what's comfortable. I have to do this, so I can make something out of myself. I have a ridiculous amount of potential and with what I can do, I can change the world! I just have to sit down for a couple years and study and get a degree so I can learn and be an example and make good habits for myself.

Hyrum comes home tomorrow and I'm so excited because he's been in JFO school for two weeks in Oklahoma and I miss my best friend. I want him to come home so I can have someone to go golfing with, to help me water the plants, to cook dinner for. I want to have him back. It's made me realize though how independent I CAN be, though. For the first week that he was gone, I was very bored. I sat on my couch for a week and watched TV and ate pizza, and let my house go to shambles. Then, Sunday, I couldn't handle it anymore and I cleaned and have kept it very tidy and everyday I come home I do something more to better my house. I water my plants everyday and I cleaned out my car, straightened my office, and balanced the checkbook. Paid the bills, made my life more organized. Stopped procrastinating. And I only watch one hour of TV a day. Except for last night when two LOST episodes aired that I'd never seen before. So I took advantage and was lazy. So, Hyrum gets home tomorrow and I'm excited because I've been making all these super awesome delish dishes that I want to share with him. Turkey taco salad, Chicken Paprika, Montreal Chicken. I love food.

This has been nice to get things off of my chest. We have a big Easter Cantata this Sunday evening and I am conducting a choir and singing in a choir and singing a solo and I'm not quite comfortable with it yet, but I'm excited for our choir. It will be beautiful. I love to sing and to conduct choirs. How fun.

Okay, I'm out. Thanks for listening.

K

Wisdom ... teeth?

2008-02-06T12:13:00.000-07:00

Today is the most boring day of my life. Why, you ask? Because on Wednesdays, I sit in my office (Ashlie, if you're reading this, you can verify this) and wait for something to do. And you can only check Facebook so many times. And your email. And your bank account. And your emails that you haven't checked in a year. And my friend Traci's not here today, so I ESPECIALLY don't have anyone to talk to. So I'm listening to some ridiculous Backstreet Boys station on Pandora.com (best site ever) waiting for 5 to come. I haven't done this in a long time, so while it's nice to have some free time, it's not nice to sit and wait for Jesus to come before you go home. Hyrum had his wisdom teeth taken out today. No, he had one. And he gets the rest of the week off of work. I went home at lunch today to make sure he was okay and there he was, on his little throne, playing Madden 07, with his little cheeks all chipmunked up. And then he looks at me and says, "Kiwa, can you get me some iwce cweam on yow way home fwom work?" That freaking cute face. I love him. And then he'd smile and it'd be only half that would go up, like he was having a stroke or something. Hmm, that's interesting to note. How would you know if you were having a stroke after you got your wisdom teeth taken out? YOU WOULDN'T. Anyway, he drank a glass of water and he could only feel it on one side. He was like a five-year-old. His eyes lit up and he was like, "WOW! That's so WEIRD!" And he'd do it again. My own personal kindergartener. What a weird word, Kindergarten. Like, look at that word. See if it makes any sense to you. So we both have tonight off and I'm excited! We've been so busy, we haven't had time this week and now we do! YAY! We'll probably do something productive, like watch the HGTV HD channel for 6 hours like we did on Sunday. Our ambitions are skyrocketing, as you can see. Well, I don't want to have to expose you to the bores of my day, so I'm out. PEACE.

Finnish Gypsy

2008-02-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

So, get this. My friend Bill at work said I look like a gypsy. Not only that, but a Finnish gypsy. Now, I don't know about you, but wearing an over-sized velvet shirt with lots of bangles and belts and bantering sounds like a great deal of fun. Now, I don't wear over-sized velvet shirts, or even velvet at all, because that ... would be stupid. But, it was a nice thought for a moment. So, life is phenomenal. It really is. And do you know what? It was because I made a choice to be happy and to make the right decisions. I started praying again and reading my scriptures and I feel amazing. Things are looking up! And I know that most of you have had experiences like this as well, but it really takes personal reflection and contemplation to get out of that 9' deep hole to Hades that we get ourselves in. I'm grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, who loves me enough to reach down his hand and help me out of that burning hell hole. And I use hell as a noun there. :) So, Hyrum is going to the Board today, which means he is standing before his First Sergeant and Commanding Officers to petition why he should make a Sergeant Rank. Hyrum deserves it. He just wants today to be over though, he's been so stressed out about it and it just breaks my heart to see him struggle with such a big task. But if he does make this promotion, he'll be leaving in a couple weeks to go to Sergeant School for two weeks, which I have to say is the MOST STUPID thing ever. And here's why: He goes on base for two weeks and he can't call or write emails or visit. And I live 5 minutes away. Talk about gay. But, it will be a good training session for him, so I guess I will just have to spend it eating ice cream and buying new fat clothes. Oh well. :) He's got such a busy couple of months coming up. He's going to this school in Oklahoma for three weeks in March and then he goes to Selections for Special Forces in April. It will be good for him, those are some awesome experiences, fo sho. So, I've been really holding in my emotions lately. And even though now they're good, they've evened out quite a bit since the crap hit the fan about two weeks ago, I still have alienated a lot of people and to those people, and especially my best friend Courtney, I want to say I'm sorry. This has been a really dark time for me and I tried my best to get out of it myself and I've seen that I couldn't do it alone, it was so hard. I love you and I hope you will forgive me for that. But other than that, it's been a good week so far! It's beautiful weather! 70s and 80s outside! It's been lovely. At this point in my blog, I'd like to offer condolences to the Hinckley family because of the passing of their father, President Gordon B. Hinckley, Prophet, Seer, and Revelator for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He was a giant among men. Well, it's time to go because I have to pee like the Niagra freaking Falls. Peace.

Happy Birthday, Mr. President...

2008-01-26T12:34:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday...

On a clear day...

2008-01-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

I enjoy the way that God puts things in your life for your benefit, even when you don't deserve them. Beautiful artwork is one of those things. My friend Kate Fitzpatrick is a tremendous artist and I was able to purchase this beautiful piece of work from her. You can support her shop at: KateFitzpatrick.etsy.com

I love so many things in my life right now, even though I'm going through a very hard trial. I have a supporting husband who is nothing short of perfect, except when he leaves his clothes all over the house. Seriously, I think things are going to be okay. :)

To be forgiving and to be forgiven both require patience.

2008-01-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

Come Listen to a Prophet’s Voice:
Be More Forgiving

By President Gordon B. Hinckley

From an October 2005 general conference address.

I clipped an article written by Jay Evensen from the Deseret Morning News. With his permission, I quote from it:

“How would you feel toward a teenager who decided to toss a 20-pound [9-kg] frozen turkey from a speeding car headlong into the windshield of the car you were driving? How would you feel after enduring six hours of surgery using metal plates and other hardware to piece your face together? …

“… The victim, Victoria Ruvolo, … was more interested in salvaging the life of her 19-year-old assailant [attacker], Ryan Cushing, than in … revenge. … She insisted on offering him a plea deal. Cushing could serve six months in the county jail and be on probation for five years if he pleaded guilty to second-degree assault.

“Had he been convicted of first-degree assault—the charge most fitting for the crime—he could have served 25 years in prison. …

“According to an account in the New York Post, Cushing … made his way to where Ruvolo sat in the courtroom and tearfully whispered an apology. ‘I’m so sorry for what I did to you.’

“Ruvolo then stood, and the victim and her assailant embraced, weeping. She stroked his head and patted his back as he sobbed, and witnesses … heard her say, ‘It’s OK. I just want you to make your life the best it can be.’ ”1

Who can feel anything but admiration for this woman? Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way.

The great Atonement was the supreme act of forgiveness. The suffering was so great, the agony so intense, that none of us can understand it when the Savior offered Himself as a ransom for the sins of all mankind. I know only that it happened and that it was for me and for you. It is through Him that we gain forgiveness. It is through Him that all mankind will be granted resurrection from the dead. It is through Him and His great sacrifice that we are offered the opportunity through obedience of eternal life.

May God help us to be a little kinder, to be more forgiving, to lay aside old grudges and nurture them no more.

I'm about to implode.

2008-01-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

There is a difference between imploding and exploding. When you explode, you either say rash and angry things or your body explodes into millions of different pieces. When you implode, however, you just can't keep things in, you can't keep hiding things, you can't make life okay when it's not. So, you just combine everything into one big giant hole and it implodes. And that's about it. I'm not sure there is a scientific term for it yet or not.
I think it's called, "Imsostressedaboutthesituationiveputmylifeinthatidontknowwhatelsetodo
butcryandscreamandhopepeopleunderstandimamentalcase". That sounds good. And it's hard. I can't put it on the blog, but I'm facing a hard trial. A hard situation that I never, EVER thought I'd be in. So, how do I face it? I can't sweep it under a rug. Or make it seem like it never happened. I have to do something about it, but I'm scared. This is one of the scariest things I've ever had to do. There is a lot on the line and every time I prep myself to do something about it, I chicken out and become this lame wuss. How did I get this way? That sounds so ridiculous, like I just walked on the set of some terribly made Lindsay Lohan movie. Speaking of celebrities, good ones, rather: Heath Ledger died. What a sad day. He was one handsome man. Even if he did play a gay cowboy. He was still hot. I feel like hiding under my desk. And crying. And spilling everything. Maybe I will. I've got a big desk.

So I was thinking...

2008-01-21T12:21:00.000-07:00

...that I could write in this all day! It's a nice stress outlet writing to people I don't even know. Or people I don't see anymore. Aaaaannnddd, I'm slightly bored and unmotivated to finish some work I need to do. Yay for alt/tab.

And scene.

2008-01-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the last time I had a blog was when I was in high school. I didn't do a very good job then, and chances are pretty much the same now, seeing as I can't even remember my password I just made. Hmm. Right now I have a stack of papers on my desk at work and I don't feel like picking them up to see what they're all about. Even though it's pretty easy stuff. Phone calls, notes, stapling - busy work, really. My job is something I'm sure you'll hear me vent about. It really is. I am in a predicament. I'm between a rock and a hard space and I'm not sure how I'll get out of it without hurting other people but benefiting myself in the process. Well, that sounds conceited. It was not intended that way. On that note, I say things sometimes and they just...don't sound right. So if I've said something to you in passing that may sound rude or stuck-up, brush it off because chances are, I don't even remember saying it. Like that, that was rude. It's like I don't remember talking to you. I know, I'm a little mental. Maybe this is a good thing, I feel a lot better writing about how dumb I can be sometimes. :)